I'll Be Home...

Yes, I am listening to Christmas music. And yes. I am not ashamed of the "earliness" of its re-entry into my life. I guess it would be good to note that I only listen to it at night... it just helps me sleep, you know?
It is like the comfort of home without leaving your small apartment and fleeing the state for the more desirable coastal weather.

Well, it has been a little over a month since my last update and as such I feel as though I have enough to tell to give a fair read on what I have been up to.
As to a cliffhanger I left in my last post, I was able to get into the acting class that I wanted and definitely feel as though I am treading water but that is simply because there is so much to learn! About acting and also about myself in general. I have heard many talking of midterms and such tests already and I find myself more than happy to be "tested" daily through our acting exercises and our short, almost improv, performances.
I am absolutely loving it! I hope my growth shows by the end of the semester.

I went on a date! With Johnny, any date is a good date but it didn't make this one any less fun. :) We went to BYU's dance production called EviDance (ha) and it was AMAZING! It made me proud to be a dancer in training. And of course, Johnny being the excellent and excitable dancer that he is, was so completely enthralled by the end that he seemed to dance every where we went for the rest of the night. I made the unfortunate mistake of wearing heels on this date and couldn't seem to keep up. But he being the gentleman that he is let me have a moment of dance while also carrying me a few feet in the direction of my home.
All that happened after we had indulged in some ice cream (so delicious!) with our friends Tanner and Tasha. Of course pictures were taken and we all (at least seemed to) enjoyed ourselves. (Something about that sentence doesn't read right but I can't seem to pinpoint it at the moment...)
Anyway! Great fun, great fun and I have the pleasure of looking forward to another outing this next weekend.

My biggest project this week, however, is definitely finding sponsors for Miss Utah USA. No joke. If I can get the needed funds ($1200) then I, Cassidy, will be in a beauty pageant. Seems odd, I know, but it will be a great experience one way or another and will lead to scholarships which I desperately need.
On top of it being good for scholarships, it seems to be prodding me along in my health... this last week I took up various exercises and the plan this week is to incorporate a couple days of running. I slacked off tonight, but I've also made a rule to not eat after 10 PM. (I'm sorry, chips, salsa and blogging just all seem to go together....)

Chances are I will blog next Sunday as well seeing as so much could happen potentially by the end of this week... like possibly meeting a brand new baby Fletcher or something like that... :)
Hope you weeks are filled with fun and good health!

Love,
Me

So Hold On Thy Way For I Shall Be With Thee

Doubt not what thou knowest, fear not man for he cannot hurt thee.

One of my favorite songs of all time, without a doubt.

So it is currently raining. Isn't it the most beautiful and symbolic weather? To know that we all go through the storms of life so that one day we may be as clean as the earth right after rain.
The summer is fast approaching its end and I am looking in the face of a new school year. Unfortunately due to circumstances that were quite well within my power (unfortunately) I can only have one class. At first, I wanted to throw caution to the wind and take something delicious such as French but it being 4 credits and part-time students being charged per credit, it was a rather hefty price for one class even though I am sure it will contribute to my intended area of study.
But something amazing happened. I went to a musical this past Friday! I went and watched The Fantasticks being performed by a few friends of mine. It was completely astounding and breathtaking. And I was once again reminded how much I love the theater, the stage, and the thrill of performing to an audience who have set aside a little time to step into the world that you have so carefully rehearsed and prepared for them to take part in.
With that in mind and a little inspiring conversation with Ted, I decided to see if there were any spots open in a lower credited TMA class (theater and media arts). Currently I am signed up for an Intro to Theater class that is 3 credits but am on the waitlist for Acting Fundamentals which is only two credits but has 4 hours of class with one hour of lab per week. So here is to praying that a few people will drop the class or from the waiting list.

I really haven't much else to report here but I figured I would post a poem I've posted once or twice seeing as it is the perfect weather for just such a poem. Take care! And have a most wonderful week.
-Cas


Alone No More



Rain is falling all around

Its refreshing the earth with its beautiful sound

Its essence is cool

But within me is warmed



With bare feet and a tee

I rush out with an umbrella with me

Down by my side

It is simply a companion



The rain touches my fevered skin

And slowly a dance commences, begins

A pirouette to the right

A reach to the left



It's silent but for the rain

It seems to wash away the stain

Love of past

Hope of future



No name comes to mind

Just a trace of essence left behind

Umbrella swings upward

My free hand down



Warmth surrounds my hand

The one encircled with the umbrella's band

A smile of care

A haloed face



The umbrella is removed

The heart races, the loss approved

Filled with light

A partner have I



One Two Three

And suddenly the rain cries... happy

He apologizes

I accept



Never more alone

As we dance upon the cool wet stone

Hearts sing

Mouths smile


Feb. 8th 2010

Summer Showers Unexpectedly

Can two and a half months have flown by so quickly? I suppose in the ever-changing life of a 21 year old-- they are obligated to!
Of course I read through my last post and what to my wondering eyes would appear the beginning of my relationship that I'm no longer in! For any curious onlookers, yes, I ended up seriously dating Cold Stone Boy. We dated for a good 5 weeks. Alas, it was not meant to be and we parted rather congenially to say the least and the least I will say.
That aside, I have had the opportunity not once but twice to go home to my family in Oregon. The first trip was planned of course and I was able to spend some much needed down time with the family back home, not doing much of anything but living with them as I did about eight and a half months ago. The second time I was able to get out there was more or less on the complete whim of one of my most favorite cousins. She wanted to make sure to get out to Oregon to see her grandma (my great grandma) who is 90 before anything else happens. And so, seeing as it was either go alone with her two children on a 14+ hour car drive or suggest I come along with her, I was called up immediately, I got the time off and voila! I got to go see my family (at least the women and my father... I didn't get to see either of my brothers or my sister-in-law truth be told but I was glad of the excuse to see them and get out of town for a little while).
There really isn't much else to tell about my little life here in Utah. School will be starting up here pretty soon and I will be taking the beginners French class at the Y. I am definitely looking forward to it and having something else to occupy my mind.
My old roommate will be moving back in pretty soon and so I will have at least one person to hang out with who is more readily available. I really have missed her over the last couple months.
My hair is also growing back although some days it seems to be taking its dear sweet time in doing so. But hopefully this time next year it will be a little pass my shoulders... here's to crazy wishes that may come true, right?
Well, I shall try to remember to write again next week seeing as I seem to have more time on my hands throughout the day that I could be utilizing. Take care!

Odd Weather

It has been a little while since my last blog so here I am once more.

I have hit a few ups and downs over the last couple months that were both unforeseen and non-interpretative. As some of my friends know, I ran into a boy I have known my whole life and, low and behold, we found a mutual attraction and began the crazy roller coaster of dating. My heart was soaring, my happiness seen to, and... my spiritual uplifting a little neglected. But, as I always do, I came around and began reading my scriptures and paying more attention to my prayers once more. This led me to ask the boy about his intentions toward my church (being inactive for the past few years) and after a rather painful and halting discussion we decided that it would be smarter to put "us" on hold until he finds his testimony or til it must be dropped because I find a better fit for myself.

So I find myself back in the dating circuit keeping my eyes peeled for the potentials that walk past my door.

However, I am finding happiness in other ways. Recently I have found a renewed desire to ride my bike at least once a day... I'm on my 3rd day and even rode my bike despite the threatening storm clouds overhead (it did not rain, by the way, but I imagined it did when I rode straight through a sprinkler...). I have also begun writing again in the wee hours of the night when sleep eludes me and my creative juices are inexplicably flowing.

I am trying again to read the standard works of Jane Austen and find myself in the midst of Sense and Sensibility (Willoughby has already left Marianne and everyone is wondering when he will come back).

Living in Utah during the summer is just about as weird as it is in the winter/spring. Yesterday it was hot as Hades and today, like I previously mentioned, it is greatly overcast and there is a cooler wind blowing through the shrubbery.

A couple weeks ago I went with a few people from my apartment complex (okay, more like 23 of them) and we went to a showing of the Avengers. Yes, I loved it. Yes, I nerd-ed out when I saw the preview for the Amazing Spiderman, and furthermore, I find the replacement actor much more attractive than Toby McGuire.

Unfortunately, a couple months back my feet started to hurt rather uncharacteristically. I pegged it on the fact that I was taking two dance courses and my feet were simply worn out. However over the last week or so, it would seem that at least my left foot is going through the pain once more. It's not unbearable, just a nuisance really but in a job where you are expected to be standing (I do custodial at the university's library) it isn't the most ideal situation. I'll just have to remember to rest it when possible and not go running anytime soon (haha!) although I do plan on playing capture the flag this Saturday... bring it on!

I really need to find a job that I can look forward to going to because lately, the closer it gets to six the more tired I feel and cringe at the thought of walking up the hill to campus to spend 3.5 hours alone in the annex cleaning the same area I clean Sunday through Thursday evening.

I must say that the only thing pulling me through this week is a date I look forward to on Friday. I gathered my wits and courage about me and asked one of the newer arrivals to Southridge and thank goodness he said yes. How else am I supposed to use a $10 gift card to Cold Stone and impress someone with my cooking skills? (XD) I think it will be good fun especially since he is game to help me with preparations for dinner. Good man.

Well, I am going to go prepare my fish for my tomorrow dinner. I am hoping it comes out better than the last fish I cooked... it's almost completely defrosted and I plan to let it sit in some select spices over night in the fridge. <3 Here goes nothing!

Growing Up Means Moving On Sometimes

Should I be blogging right now? Probably not. However, when your mind is so crammed full of craziness like mine is currently, you just need to sit down and write it out sometimes, you know?

I turned 21 just a few months ago and here I stand, still single, attending school, working part time and tackling a calling in my ward as well as I can. Most people in the Mormon culture tend to look at a young woman of my age and ask the following: are you getting married? do you have a boyfriend? And if the answer is no or even not yet to either of these questions it is proposed that you get yourself out into the mission field as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I have a strong testimony on the truthfulness of the gospel and the correctness of my church but that doesn't mean I need to go on a mission. It also doesn't mean that I need to hurry on up and get married. Funny thing about marriage is that it is a two way commitment-- in other words, you need a man and a woman, not just a woman with the burning desire to get married. And thus, here I stand.
No, I'm not hunting down a man but neither am I sitting passively by the way hoping that someone will take notice of me.
I will, however, admit to joining the ranks of the hurt and struggling young women who have their patience tried day in and day out by the amiable and wonderful bachelors that surround them (especially those of us attending Brigham Young University). At the risk of being told that I am judging these boys, I also admit to looking around my little singles' ward and seeing the outstanding gentlemen and asking myself, "Why are they still single?" Who knows? Perhaps they actively go on dates with girls outside of the ward and just aren't finding a correct fit but when that happens why not go on dates with the girls in the ward?
Some guys start their justification by saying, "I'm too poor!" Or, "I don't really have the money to take girls on dates." Okay. I'll give you all a hint: you don't have to spend a ton of money on every date you go on! Of course there are times when you want to take a girl to do something really special but that can wait for later on in your getting to know a girl. I can't tell you how many dates I've been on that I count as amazingly sweet, special, thoughtful, and FUN that either cost nothing or hardly anything at all.
For example: one date I went on included going to Provo River after each couple (it being a group date) had constructed a boat out of pieces of trash found in our respective poor-man's trash cans. We took pictures and raced the boats down river (of course chasing after them and picking them up when they would go no further). After this we went back to an apartment and watched a movie with hot chocolate. Yes there was expense later seen because of the hot chocolate because those who supplied the mix ran out a little faster than usual but really! $2 maybe?
Another date I went on, had just my date and myself. We went to a little hiking trail and walked for a few hours, ending up at his house and eating a little meal before I went home. On our "trek" my date had supplied water, simple sandwiches and a piece of fruit each. Yes, there was some expense in that but not as much as there would have been had we gone to dinner and a movie and I could have easily contributed supplies had he asked.

Another confession that I (and possibly other girls my age) have is that we do have our eyes and hopes on specific people. However, you simply cannot expect that we will be forever on the side just in case it doesn't work out with the girl that you prefer to make an advance on first. I understand this goes both ways but when the ball is in your court, you had better pick it up before someone kicks it into the freeway begging you to get hit by a car to get that last chance.

It is painful.
Learning when you have done all you can and learning when it is a good idea to move past the possibilities you dreamed of just years before. I have understood that if I was a priority, I would not be writing this blog or be hitting my head against the wall any more.
I will probably always love you seeing as I haven't stopped all these years but my heart cannot hold out forever. May we meet again, whole and happy.

Isn't It Romantic?

Haha! I'm kidding actually, but it was the first thing that came to my head when saying "isn't it...?". Anyway, back to your regularly (if you count hit and miss as regular) scheduled programming!

So, school has been going on for about 2 weeks now and we've already hit our first 3 day weekend! GASP! Crazy, I know, but oh so wonderful if one needs to re-energize to be able to take on a 5:00 AM work shift on top of school, homework, and the general to-do of the college life (socially acceptable or no). So far, I've done an okay job at keeping my New Year's Resolution of sending birthday cards to my loved ones. I say "okay" because I seem to have the timing of "send the card so it reaches the loved one on their actually birthday" off but, like Mom assured me on Saturday (her birthday), it just means that her birthday continues to be celebrated until it arrives! So, Sarah, dear sister-in-law of mine, here's to birthdays that last almost a week longer than planned! :D Right? Haha. Erm, anyway.

School is pretty good actually aside from the little to no sleep that occurs at night that results in wonderful but painfully too short naps during the day. I only have beef with one class, really, but -truth be told- it's not even my science class that I so dread attending on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays! No sir! Botany is actually quite the interesting subject which I have found myself pondering even while outside of class and looking at, not my homework or the book I skim-read, but by looking at the very things it encourages me to study--- trees and other such plants! How strange? How intriguing! How.... totally unexpected. I have a feeling it helps that my teacher acts more like an uncle to the class than an actual professor, even going so far as to expect that we address him by Sam and not Professor St. Clair. That makes 4/7 of my teachers that have asked me and my classmates to call them by their first name, informally.
Why, you ask? Well, two of them are dance instructors who normally go by their first names. Another is my French Choir teacher and thus, being a student teacher, doesn't really do with formalities. Then there is Sam. My married with children, at least 36+ years old teacher. Yep. That's him.

Work has also been going well. I actually got paid this last weekend so it's nice to be able to pay my tithing again and see at least a little increase of the money of my bank account. Now I just need to get a better grip of that modelling job of mine and I'll have it made in the shade!

Friend wise... man, I have so many of them!! It's a wonderful thing, having friends that you can simply bum around and not feel like you're intruding on their personal lives. The ones that you want to invite to things even if they have nothing to do with the subject being visited. What a lovely feeling. :)

Oh! Exciting news! I just got a calling! I am now the Compassionate Service Coordinator of my ward. Just got the calling today and though I'm nervous as I am at the beginning of any new adventure, I think it will definitely be a wonderful asset to my progress throughout this next semester to become a better person. What better way to find ways to serve than by being, to coin the phrase, Called to Serve? Heaven knows I'll need something to direct my passions and energy outward instead of focusing on me, me, ME all the time.

Speaking of ME, however, my birthday is coming up just around the corner! That's right folks. Cassidy Ward is going to be turning 21 on the 30th of this very month of January! How did that happen? I mean, come on! I'm not old enough to be 21! Haha, just kidding. :D It's actually my parents who aren't old enough to have two fully "adult" kids by the world's standard. I've already bought the desired cake mix and frosting... and have also been told rather sternly that I am NOT to touch said objects again seeing as they will be transformed into the edible celebratory center piece by my marvelous roommate, Cassie. (Yes, my roommate's name is extremely close to mine. Confusing? Sometimes. Fun? Always.)

I'm also participating in the Stake Choir for the up-and-coming Stake Conference. I am so thoroughly excited for it. Colin has chosen two excellent pieces for us to perform and, although they are extremely gutsy and demanding of our talents, just the first run through sounded good. I'm excited to see how it all pans out.

So, random, but I really should get a hair cut... or at least a trim. A new shape, if you will. But it's just starting to lay down quite of its own accord recently.... I guess I'll consult my agent and see if it's too long to be kosher with the snapshots they took to promote me back in November. We'll see I suppose. :)

Live long, laugh always.
Keep Smiling

Cas

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things!

So, a new year, namely 2012, is upon us! So much has seemed to happen in the past two months alone that I look forward to the opportunities this year will procure. As the title suggests, I'm going to name a few of my favorite things or things that just in general make me feel good about myself and my situation. These are listed in no particular order.
-soft blankets
-kittens (and puppies too)
-babies
-cozy pajamas
-Home
-family
-friends
-the Gospel
-the Atonement
-Christmas
-my birthday
-Junior Mints
-sweaters
-scarves
-other cold weather paraphernalia
-hot chocolate
-chocolate cake
-the rain
-the sun
-butterflies
-snapdragons
-daisies
-hearts
-stars
-the fact that some of you followed the two above listings with "and horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons!"
-music
-the male voice (in song, speech, and yes, laughter)
-laughing
-sleep
-blueberries and cream oatmeal
-hugs
-and yes, kisses
-art
-service
-hiking
-my pink bike
-movies
-theater
-cookies
-pretty dresses
-shoes
-thought-out gifts
-thoughts in general
-conversation
-holding hands
-the prophet and the apostles
-prayer
-My Dear Watson scents-y
-school
-learning
-understanding
-listening
-Nutella
-honey
-chunky peanut butter
-chocolate
-when I feel needed
-when I feel wanted
-when I feel included
-when people set out to make me feel comfortable
-spontaneity
-planning
-sunsets on the beach
-photography
-photo-editing
-reading
-writing
-my sight
-my voice
-my hearing
-my ability to feel
-color
-diversity
-similarities
-pillows
-snuggling
-weddings
-temples
-roommates :)

Well, I feel sufficiently warm. How about you? What are some of your favorite things? <3