So basically, these are poems that I posted on facebook. Some of them have a little extra explanation to them that was put there the day I posted them and I decided that I would leave the extra stuff there. Uhm... and yes, this does mean from time to time I'll post poems I've put together myself-- you might be seeing a lot of poetry so I can catch up on putting it up... you might not. ;P
P.S. the ones with the * by the title are my personal favorites.
Growing Up is Hard
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or is it too hard to glance behind?
Would it be a waste of your time?
Or shall I stay silent like a mime?
I'm still growing up so can't you understand?
I hate that I'm always at your command
It's not right, it's not fair
For it seems without you I can't go anywhere
Doesn't my vote count?
Or is it not even tantamount
To your opinions and decisions
That all add up to indecisions?
I'm choking
I'm drowing
You're smoking
You're scowling
How can I decide who I want to be?
Need to be?
Live to be?
If you're not willing to set me free?
I love you, with all my heart
But you seem determined to rip me apart
I don't even know where to start
Or even if my choice will be the one that's smart
I am tired now
I am coughing now
I am blinded now
I am muted now
Is this what you meant for me to be?
Something as impossible as a dammed sea?
If not, then set me free
So I can be who I was born to be
10/22/2010
You know what's pathetic?
When you totally loathe the existence of a person and what you allowed them to do to you and what you still allow them to do to you and then get upset and mad at them because they're still there but no longer a part of your life? That's what this poem is dedicated to: those people that come into your life, mess it up, but leave you a better and stronger person for it in the long run.
Life Has Begun
Haunting my dreams with your face
Flashes of memory that can't have a place
I wonder why I'm left to chase
Feelings that I can't erase
Promises made, promises kept
Promises broken, heart bereft
You stole from me what once I thought
Was too sweet to waste or to be bought
But now I stand
Walking through sand
Trying my hand
At a one-man band
My heart is shattered
The rain is splattered
My soul is tattered
How could you have mattered?
A new day has come
And I'm still alone
But I'll cry no more
Though my heart be sore
You stole the best of me
And gave me something better
Strength to see
That I do matter!
The bittersweet irony that plays through my life
Is that I had to be broken and drug through strife
Before I could breathe
And see with clear sight
Now, I hope for the best
For both of us
Maybe someday you'll know
The power behind a woman's trust
Yep. So I was sitting in my bedroom not being able to write my stories and decided I would try a poem... it might be used in my story later... we'll see. xD
* Left to Dream
*
Sitting on my bed, thoughts running through my head
Listening to my fav'rite tunes on chilly afternoons
The colors are dim, shadows smooth and slim
Where are you now, I contemplate, and how
Often you've seemed to walk into what I've dreamed
Sound becomes jumbled while vision has crumbled
What fate prompts us to decide too late?
You could've been, would've been,
You should've been
But now what could've been, would've been, should've been
Is no longer possible
And we are left to dream
Oct. 7th 2010
Dear One
My heart aches, my dear one
My arms ache, oh near one
Please come, my tear'd one
I'll listen, my sheered one
Hope is there, my dear one
Love is close, my near one
Hearts are tried, my tear'd one
Arms stretched out, my sheered one
Words seem hollow, my dear one
Tough to swallow, my near one
Listen close, my tear'd one
I'll be here, my sheered one
There are others, my dear one
Stronger than I, my near one
You can feel it, my tear'd one
With your spirit, my sheered one
As in all my poetry, it's rough but I feel to go through it too much would suck the energy of the moment out of it, destroying the passion put into the words, keeping them from being over-thought or trying to invoke emotions of others for the sake of making them feel what you have felt. I'd rather let my poems speak to whomever has a willing ear or an experience such as the ones I put into prose.
Here are the two things said this evening that inspired my mood (along with other things) and following them is the poem:
I just find it funny how you don't have to say a name or even think about it really. Just the essence of it can make you smile and warm you to the very core.
She wants it to pour so that she can run outside without socks or shoes, without a rain coat, but mayhap an umbrella and dance away the evening.
* Alone No More
*
Rain is falling all around
It's refreshing the earth with its beautiful sound
Its essence is cool
But within me is warmed
With bare feet and a tee
I rush out with an umbrella with me
Down by my side
It is simply a companion
The rain touches my fevered skin
And slowly a dance commences, begins
A pirouette to the right
A reach to the left
It's silent but for the rain
It seems to wash away the stain
Love of past
Hope of future
No name comes to mind
Just a trace of essence left behind
Umbrella swings upward
My free hand down
Warmth surrounds my hand
The one encircled with the umbrella's band
A smile of care
A haloed face
The umbrella is removed
The heart races, the loss approved
Filled with light
A partner have I
One Two Three
And suddenly the rain cries... happy
He apologizes
I accept
Never more alone
As we dance upon the cool wet stone
Hearts sing
Mouths smile
Feb. 8th 2010
So basically, friends are amazing.
I'm so thankful I got the opportunity to say good bye to those of you who really care about me and my general welfare. I'm glad to have known a good deal of you, and although some experiences weren't as pleasant as others, I believe that everyone has helped me to grow and change for the better.
Friends
From now to the end
We'll always be friends
Keep me in your heart
For I will remember forever
The times we shared together
And hope that you do too
My love for you
Will always stay true
Forgive me for being corny
* The Plunge
*
A fork in my road
Rises under the sky
As I stand in thought
And people walk by
What does the way
Hold for me?
Behind me I leave
My family and friends
Ahead I see nothing but
Secret and bends
Are there people who
Will love me?
I stand petrified
In fear of the unknown
Anxious and nervous
Now oftener shown
I take a deep breath
For the plunge...
29 August 2011
28 August 2011
What Happens in Vegas...
Gets posted on my blog. :)
The family and I drove down to Sacramento on Monday and to be honest, it didn't seem to take as long as it usually does. I guess that's what happens when you have a wonderful book as your travel companion. :D We met up with Jerry, Sarah and the in-laws for dinner and because of our big party (11 people) we were seated outside in the heat of Chico. Personally, at 90 degrees, I feel pretty good in the shade. Ironic how I thought I would die of heat exhaustion after being here in Brookings for the past 9 1/2 months but compared to some of the family, I was cool as a cucumber. :D
When we got to the hotel... we didn't stay up for too long. :)
The next morning, we were shuttled out to the airport for an 11:45 flight.
The three kids were all a-buzz with anticipation. It was their first flight! Everything went nice and smooth as we went through the xrays and all that great stuff and then we had to wait another hour or so for the flight.
Soon enough, we were sitting on the plane and I sat between Tom and Mik. As we sat waiting Mikkaila glanced over at me, out the window, back at me and then looked toward the front of the plane. She confessed to me that Jerry had told her something about planes...
She looked worried so I asked what he had said. Apparently, he told her that if the plane shook we would die. I had to laugh and told her we would be fine. About ten minutes out of Vegas, we hit a bit of turbulence. As she was trying for nonchalance I grinned (rather like the Cheshire Cat, I'm sure) and said, "You know, Mik, the plane is shaking." She shot me a rather dirty look and told me to be quiet... a few moments later I made the joke from Madagascar 2 when the penguins talk about setting the flaming plane down gently... she pretty much shouted "I said KISS IT!"
Alex told us later that she had heard us from her seat 5 rows ahead of us. :)
It took us a while to get ourselves together but we easily secured a ride on a shuttle to our hotel (the Flamingo) and just about an hour later... I was not liking Vegas.
1. Too much smoke.
2. Porn being handed out on the streets.
3. Overly crowded.
4. Too much smoke.
Basically...
After we'd been there for 5 hours I couldn't see how this could be called a vacation (which some of you found out by text) and could only cling to the reassurance that we would be going to Lion King the next day.
It was AMAZING! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the stage before or after... or else I totally would have! The actors were fantastic, the music was extremely beautiful and empowering and full of the African rhythm. Love love loved it!
The next night, we had the opportunity to go to watch The Phantom. :O Do I think you should go see it at the Venetian? Yes I do. And furthermore, I would definitely encourage you to take your time around the Venetian and the Palazza.
It's such beautiful interior and very Italy. <3 It makes you want to go to Venice to simply ride on a gondola. :) Yep. (Random side note: I have definitely decided that my choices for my honeymoon are as follows-- 1. Italy 2. Disneyland -- not necessarily in that order. :D) The next day we didn't have much to do but got to go and watch the comic magic act of Mac King. Pretty funny. No lie. :) A definite go see if you have the opportunity! Saturday we hopped a flight at 10:15 and immediately hopped in our car and drove home. Alex felt a little queasy on the way home and Dad said it would probably be nice if Mik or I gave our seat closer to the front to her. Seeing as Mik had spent a little time in the back on the way down, I squashed my not so impressive height into the back seat where I proceeded to read the second book in my series. :) (Yes, I did start and finish the 1st book at the beginning of this week. I loved it all over again!) Tom was drifting off in a rather uncomfortable looking position so, I gave him my knees as a pillow... apparently it was comfy enough.
But here are the conclusions I have drawn: a. I love French desserts! They are quite the fantastic fare and yes, I had more than I probably ought.
b. Unless there is a show that I feel I must see and can only see it in Vegas, I shall never return there again. It was disgusting and sad.
It made me realize again how wonderful I have it. I have the knowledge of the Gospel and know of my divine nature. I have self-respect and know that I needn't sell my body for any reason. I know, at least, what isn't true happiness and at least have a goal to shoot toward that I know, in the end, can bring me everlasting happiness.
<3
Cas
The family and I drove down to Sacramento on Monday and to be honest, it didn't seem to take as long as it usually does. I guess that's what happens when you have a wonderful book as your travel companion. :D We met up with Jerry, Sarah and the in-laws for dinner and because of our big party (11 people) we were seated outside in the heat of Chico. Personally, at 90 degrees, I feel pretty good in the shade. Ironic how I thought I would die of heat exhaustion after being here in Brookings for the past 9 1/2 months but compared to some of the family, I was cool as a cucumber. :D
When we got to the hotel... we didn't stay up for too long. :)
The next morning, we were shuttled out to the airport for an 11:45 flight.
The three kids were all a-buzz with anticipation. It was their first flight! Everything went nice and smooth as we went through the xrays and all that great stuff and then we had to wait another hour or so for the flight.
Soon enough, we were sitting on the plane and I sat between Tom and Mik. As we sat waiting Mikkaila glanced over at me, out the window, back at me and then looked toward the front of the plane. She confessed to me that Jerry had told her something about planes...
She looked worried so I asked what he had said. Apparently, he told her that if the plane shook we would die. I had to laugh and told her we would be fine. About ten minutes out of Vegas, we hit a bit of turbulence. As she was trying for nonchalance I grinned (rather like the Cheshire Cat, I'm sure) and said, "You know, Mik, the plane is shaking." She shot me a rather dirty look and told me to be quiet... a few moments later I made the joke from Madagascar 2 when the penguins talk about setting the flaming plane down gently... she pretty much shouted "I said KISS IT!"
Alex told us later that she had heard us from her seat 5 rows ahead of us. :)
It took us a while to get ourselves together but we easily secured a ride on a shuttle to our hotel (the Flamingo) and just about an hour later... I was not liking Vegas.
1. Too much smoke.
2. Porn being handed out on the streets.
3. Overly crowded.
4. Too much smoke.
Basically...
After we'd been there for 5 hours I couldn't see how this could be called a vacation (which some of you found out by text) and could only cling to the reassurance that we would be going to Lion King the next day.
It was AMAZING! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the stage before or after... or else I totally would have! The actors were fantastic, the music was extremely beautiful and empowering and full of the African rhythm. Love love loved it!
The next night, we had the opportunity to go to watch The Phantom. :O Do I think you should go see it at the Venetian? Yes I do. And furthermore, I would definitely encourage you to take your time around the Venetian and the Palazza.
It's such beautiful interior and very Italy. <3 It makes you want to go to Venice to simply ride on a gondola. :) Yep. (Random side note: I have definitely decided that my choices for my honeymoon are as follows-- 1. Italy 2. Disneyland -- not necessarily in that order. :D) The next day we didn't have much to do but got to go and watch the comic magic act of Mac King. Pretty funny. No lie. :) A definite go see if you have the opportunity! Saturday we hopped a flight at 10:15 and immediately hopped in our car and drove home. Alex felt a little queasy on the way home and Dad said it would probably be nice if Mik or I gave our seat closer to the front to her. Seeing as Mik had spent a little time in the back on the way down, I squashed my not so impressive height into the back seat where I proceeded to read the second book in my series. :) (Yes, I did start and finish the 1st book at the beginning of this week. I loved it all over again!) Tom was drifting off in a rather uncomfortable looking position so, I gave him my knees as a pillow... apparently it was comfy enough.
But here are the conclusions I have drawn: a. I love French desserts! They are quite the fantastic fare and yes, I had more than I probably ought.
b. Unless there is a show that I feel I must see and can only see it in Vegas, I shall never return there again. It was disgusting and sad.
It made me realize again how wonderful I have it. I have the knowledge of the Gospel and know of my divine nature. I have self-respect and know that I needn't sell my body for any reason. I know, at least, what isn't true happiness and at least have a goal to shoot toward that I know, in the end, can bring me everlasting happiness.
<3
Cas
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