I'll Be Home...

Yes, I am listening to Christmas music. And yes. I am not ashamed of the "earliness" of its re-entry into my life. I guess it would be good to note that I only listen to it at night... it just helps me sleep, you know?
It is like the comfort of home without leaving your small apartment and fleeing the state for the more desirable coastal weather.

Well, it has been a little over a month since my last update and as such I feel as though I have enough to tell to give a fair read on what I have been up to.
As to a cliffhanger I left in my last post, I was able to get into the acting class that I wanted and definitely feel as though I am treading water but that is simply because there is so much to learn! About acting and also about myself in general. I have heard many talking of midterms and such tests already and I find myself more than happy to be "tested" daily through our acting exercises and our short, almost improv, performances.
I am absolutely loving it! I hope my growth shows by the end of the semester.

I went on a date! With Johnny, any date is a good date but it didn't make this one any less fun. :) We went to BYU's dance production called EviDance (ha) and it was AMAZING! It made me proud to be a dancer in training. And of course, Johnny being the excellent and excitable dancer that he is, was so completely enthralled by the end that he seemed to dance every where we went for the rest of the night. I made the unfortunate mistake of wearing heels on this date and couldn't seem to keep up. But he being the gentleman that he is let me have a moment of dance while also carrying me a few feet in the direction of my home.
All that happened after we had indulged in some ice cream (so delicious!) with our friends Tanner and Tasha. Of course pictures were taken and we all (at least seemed to) enjoyed ourselves. (Something about that sentence doesn't read right but I can't seem to pinpoint it at the moment...)
Anyway! Great fun, great fun and I have the pleasure of looking forward to another outing this next weekend.

My biggest project this week, however, is definitely finding sponsors for Miss Utah USA. No joke. If I can get the needed funds ($1200) then I, Cassidy, will be in a beauty pageant. Seems odd, I know, but it will be a great experience one way or another and will lead to scholarships which I desperately need.
On top of it being good for scholarships, it seems to be prodding me along in my health... this last week I took up various exercises and the plan this week is to incorporate a couple days of running. I slacked off tonight, but I've also made a rule to not eat after 10 PM. (I'm sorry, chips, salsa and blogging just all seem to go together....)

Chances are I will blog next Sunday as well seeing as so much could happen potentially by the end of this week... like possibly meeting a brand new baby Fletcher or something like that... :)
Hope you weeks are filled with fun and good health!

Love,
Me

So Hold On Thy Way For I Shall Be With Thee

Doubt not what thou knowest, fear not man for he cannot hurt thee.

One of my favorite songs of all time, without a doubt.

So it is currently raining. Isn't it the most beautiful and symbolic weather? To know that we all go through the storms of life so that one day we may be as clean as the earth right after rain.
The summer is fast approaching its end and I am looking in the face of a new school year. Unfortunately due to circumstances that were quite well within my power (unfortunately) I can only have one class. At first, I wanted to throw caution to the wind and take something delicious such as French but it being 4 credits and part-time students being charged per credit, it was a rather hefty price for one class even though I am sure it will contribute to my intended area of study.
But something amazing happened. I went to a musical this past Friday! I went and watched The Fantasticks being performed by a few friends of mine. It was completely astounding and breathtaking. And I was once again reminded how much I love the theater, the stage, and the thrill of performing to an audience who have set aside a little time to step into the world that you have so carefully rehearsed and prepared for them to take part in.
With that in mind and a little inspiring conversation with Ted, I decided to see if there were any spots open in a lower credited TMA class (theater and media arts). Currently I am signed up for an Intro to Theater class that is 3 credits but am on the waitlist for Acting Fundamentals which is only two credits but has 4 hours of class with one hour of lab per week. So here is to praying that a few people will drop the class or from the waiting list.

I really haven't much else to report here but I figured I would post a poem I've posted once or twice seeing as it is the perfect weather for just such a poem. Take care! And have a most wonderful week.
-Cas


Alone No More



Rain is falling all around

Its refreshing the earth with its beautiful sound

Its essence is cool

But within me is warmed



With bare feet and a tee

I rush out with an umbrella with me

Down by my side

It is simply a companion



The rain touches my fevered skin

And slowly a dance commences, begins

A pirouette to the right

A reach to the left



It's silent but for the rain

It seems to wash away the stain

Love of past

Hope of future



No name comes to mind

Just a trace of essence left behind

Umbrella swings upward

My free hand down



Warmth surrounds my hand

The one encircled with the umbrella's band

A smile of care

A haloed face



The umbrella is removed

The heart races, the loss approved

Filled with light

A partner have I



One Two Three

And suddenly the rain cries... happy

He apologizes

I accept



Never more alone

As we dance upon the cool wet stone

Hearts sing

Mouths smile


Feb. 8th 2010

Summer Showers Unexpectedly

Can two and a half months have flown by so quickly? I suppose in the ever-changing life of a 21 year old-- they are obligated to!
Of course I read through my last post and what to my wondering eyes would appear the beginning of my relationship that I'm no longer in! For any curious onlookers, yes, I ended up seriously dating Cold Stone Boy. We dated for a good 5 weeks. Alas, it was not meant to be and we parted rather congenially to say the least and the least I will say.
That aside, I have had the opportunity not once but twice to go home to my family in Oregon. The first trip was planned of course and I was able to spend some much needed down time with the family back home, not doing much of anything but living with them as I did about eight and a half months ago. The second time I was able to get out there was more or less on the complete whim of one of my most favorite cousins. She wanted to make sure to get out to Oregon to see her grandma (my great grandma) who is 90 before anything else happens. And so, seeing as it was either go alone with her two children on a 14+ hour car drive or suggest I come along with her, I was called up immediately, I got the time off and voila! I got to go see my family (at least the women and my father... I didn't get to see either of my brothers or my sister-in-law truth be told but I was glad of the excuse to see them and get out of town for a little while).
There really isn't much else to tell about my little life here in Utah. School will be starting up here pretty soon and I will be taking the beginners French class at the Y. I am definitely looking forward to it and having something else to occupy my mind.
My old roommate will be moving back in pretty soon and so I will have at least one person to hang out with who is more readily available. I really have missed her over the last couple months.
My hair is also growing back although some days it seems to be taking its dear sweet time in doing so. But hopefully this time next year it will be a little pass my shoulders... here's to crazy wishes that may come true, right?
Well, I shall try to remember to write again next week seeing as I seem to have more time on my hands throughout the day that I could be utilizing. Take care!

Odd Weather

It has been a little while since my last blog so here I am once more.

I have hit a few ups and downs over the last couple months that were both unforeseen and non-interpretative. As some of my friends know, I ran into a boy I have known my whole life and, low and behold, we found a mutual attraction and began the crazy roller coaster of dating. My heart was soaring, my happiness seen to, and... my spiritual uplifting a little neglected. But, as I always do, I came around and began reading my scriptures and paying more attention to my prayers once more. This led me to ask the boy about his intentions toward my church (being inactive for the past few years) and after a rather painful and halting discussion we decided that it would be smarter to put "us" on hold until he finds his testimony or til it must be dropped because I find a better fit for myself.

So I find myself back in the dating circuit keeping my eyes peeled for the potentials that walk past my door.

However, I am finding happiness in other ways. Recently I have found a renewed desire to ride my bike at least once a day... I'm on my 3rd day and even rode my bike despite the threatening storm clouds overhead (it did not rain, by the way, but I imagined it did when I rode straight through a sprinkler...). I have also begun writing again in the wee hours of the night when sleep eludes me and my creative juices are inexplicably flowing.

I am trying again to read the standard works of Jane Austen and find myself in the midst of Sense and Sensibility (Willoughby has already left Marianne and everyone is wondering when he will come back).

Living in Utah during the summer is just about as weird as it is in the winter/spring. Yesterday it was hot as Hades and today, like I previously mentioned, it is greatly overcast and there is a cooler wind blowing through the shrubbery.

A couple weeks ago I went with a few people from my apartment complex (okay, more like 23 of them) and we went to a showing of the Avengers. Yes, I loved it. Yes, I nerd-ed out when I saw the preview for the Amazing Spiderman, and furthermore, I find the replacement actor much more attractive than Toby McGuire.

Unfortunately, a couple months back my feet started to hurt rather uncharacteristically. I pegged it on the fact that I was taking two dance courses and my feet were simply worn out. However over the last week or so, it would seem that at least my left foot is going through the pain once more. It's not unbearable, just a nuisance really but in a job where you are expected to be standing (I do custodial at the university's library) it isn't the most ideal situation. I'll just have to remember to rest it when possible and not go running anytime soon (haha!) although I do plan on playing capture the flag this Saturday... bring it on!

I really need to find a job that I can look forward to going to because lately, the closer it gets to six the more tired I feel and cringe at the thought of walking up the hill to campus to spend 3.5 hours alone in the annex cleaning the same area I clean Sunday through Thursday evening.

I must say that the only thing pulling me through this week is a date I look forward to on Friday. I gathered my wits and courage about me and asked one of the newer arrivals to Southridge and thank goodness he said yes. How else am I supposed to use a $10 gift card to Cold Stone and impress someone with my cooking skills? (XD) I think it will be good fun especially since he is game to help me with preparations for dinner. Good man.

Well, I am going to go prepare my fish for my tomorrow dinner. I am hoping it comes out better than the last fish I cooked... it's almost completely defrosted and I plan to let it sit in some select spices over night in the fridge. <3 Here goes nothing!

Growing Up Means Moving On Sometimes

Should I be blogging right now? Probably not. However, when your mind is so crammed full of craziness like mine is currently, you just need to sit down and write it out sometimes, you know?

I turned 21 just a few months ago and here I stand, still single, attending school, working part time and tackling a calling in my ward as well as I can. Most people in the Mormon culture tend to look at a young woman of my age and ask the following: are you getting married? do you have a boyfriend? And if the answer is no or even not yet to either of these questions it is proposed that you get yourself out into the mission field as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I have a strong testimony on the truthfulness of the gospel and the correctness of my church but that doesn't mean I need to go on a mission. It also doesn't mean that I need to hurry on up and get married. Funny thing about marriage is that it is a two way commitment-- in other words, you need a man and a woman, not just a woman with the burning desire to get married. And thus, here I stand.
No, I'm not hunting down a man but neither am I sitting passively by the way hoping that someone will take notice of me.
I will, however, admit to joining the ranks of the hurt and struggling young women who have their patience tried day in and day out by the amiable and wonderful bachelors that surround them (especially those of us attending Brigham Young University). At the risk of being told that I am judging these boys, I also admit to looking around my little singles' ward and seeing the outstanding gentlemen and asking myself, "Why are they still single?" Who knows? Perhaps they actively go on dates with girls outside of the ward and just aren't finding a correct fit but when that happens why not go on dates with the girls in the ward?
Some guys start their justification by saying, "I'm too poor!" Or, "I don't really have the money to take girls on dates." Okay. I'll give you all a hint: you don't have to spend a ton of money on every date you go on! Of course there are times when you want to take a girl to do something really special but that can wait for later on in your getting to know a girl. I can't tell you how many dates I've been on that I count as amazingly sweet, special, thoughtful, and FUN that either cost nothing or hardly anything at all.
For example: one date I went on included going to Provo River after each couple (it being a group date) had constructed a boat out of pieces of trash found in our respective poor-man's trash cans. We took pictures and raced the boats down river (of course chasing after them and picking them up when they would go no further). After this we went back to an apartment and watched a movie with hot chocolate. Yes there was expense later seen because of the hot chocolate because those who supplied the mix ran out a little faster than usual but really! $2 maybe?
Another date I went on, had just my date and myself. We went to a little hiking trail and walked for a few hours, ending up at his house and eating a little meal before I went home. On our "trek" my date had supplied water, simple sandwiches and a piece of fruit each. Yes, there was some expense in that but not as much as there would have been had we gone to dinner and a movie and I could have easily contributed supplies had he asked.

Another confession that I (and possibly other girls my age) have is that we do have our eyes and hopes on specific people. However, you simply cannot expect that we will be forever on the side just in case it doesn't work out with the girl that you prefer to make an advance on first. I understand this goes both ways but when the ball is in your court, you had better pick it up before someone kicks it into the freeway begging you to get hit by a car to get that last chance.

It is painful.
Learning when you have done all you can and learning when it is a good idea to move past the possibilities you dreamed of just years before. I have understood that if I was a priority, I would not be writing this blog or be hitting my head against the wall any more.
I will probably always love you seeing as I haven't stopped all these years but my heart cannot hold out forever. May we meet again, whole and happy.

Isn't It Romantic?

Haha! I'm kidding actually, but it was the first thing that came to my head when saying "isn't it...?". Anyway, back to your regularly (if you count hit and miss as regular) scheduled programming!

So, school has been going on for about 2 weeks now and we've already hit our first 3 day weekend! GASP! Crazy, I know, but oh so wonderful if one needs to re-energize to be able to take on a 5:00 AM work shift on top of school, homework, and the general to-do of the college life (socially acceptable or no). So far, I've done an okay job at keeping my New Year's Resolution of sending birthday cards to my loved ones. I say "okay" because I seem to have the timing of "send the card so it reaches the loved one on their actually birthday" off but, like Mom assured me on Saturday (her birthday), it just means that her birthday continues to be celebrated until it arrives! So, Sarah, dear sister-in-law of mine, here's to birthdays that last almost a week longer than planned! :D Right? Haha. Erm, anyway.

School is pretty good actually aside from the little to no sleep that occurs at night that results in wonderful but painfully too short naps during the day. I only have beef with one class, really, but -truth be told- it's not even my science class that I so dread attending on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays! No sir! Botany is actually quite the interesting subject which I have found myself pondering even while outside of class and looking at, not my homework or the book I skim-read, but by looking at the very things it encourages me to study--- trees and other such plants! How strange? How intriguing! How.... totally unexpected. I have a feeling it helps that my teacher acts more like an uncle to the class than an actual professor, even going so far as to expect that we address him by Sam and not Professor St. Clair. That makes 4/7 of my teachers that have asked me and my classmates to call them by their first name, informally.
Why, you ask? Well, two of them are dance instructors who normally go by their first names. Another is my French Choir teacher and thus, being a student teacher, doesn't really do with formalities. Then there is Sam. My married with children, at least 36+ years old teacher. Yep. That's him.

Work has also been going well. I actually got paid this last weekend so it's nice to be able to pay my tithing again and see at least a little increase of the money of my bank account. Now I just need to get a better grip of that modelling job of mine and I'll have it made in the shade!

Friend wise... man, I have so many of them!! It's a wonderful thing, having friends that you can simply bum around and not feel like you're intruding on their personal lives. The ones that you want to invite to things even if they have nothing to do with the subject being visited. What a lovely feeling. :)

Oh! Exciting news! I just got a calling! I am now the Compassionate Service Coordinator of my ward. Just got the calling today and though I'm nervous as I am at the beginning of any new adventure, I think it will definitely be a wonderful asset to my progress throughout this next semester to become a better person. What better way to find ways to serve than by being, to coin the phrase, Called to Serve? Heaven knows I'll need something to direct my passions and energy outward instead of focusing on me, me, ME all the time.

Speaking of ME, however, my birthday is coming up just around the corner! That's right folks. Cassidy Ward is going to be turning 21 on the 30th of this very month of January! How did that happen? I mean, come on! I'm not old enough to be 21! Haha, just kidding. :D It's actually my parents who aren't old enough to have two fully "adult" kids by the world's standard. I've already bought the desired cake mix and frosting... and have also been told rather sternly that I am NOT to touch said objects again seeing as they will be transformed into the edible celebratory center piece by my marvelous roommate, Cassie. (Yes, my roommate's name is extremely close to mine. Confusing? Sometimes. Fun? Always.)

I'm also participating in the Stake Choir for the up-and-coming Stake Conference. I am so thoroughly excited for it. Colin has chosen two excellent pieces for us to perform and, although they are extremely gutsy and demanding of our talents, just the first run through sounded good. I'm excited to see how it all pans out.

So, random, but I really should get a hair cut... or at least a trim. A new shape, if you will. But it's just starting to lay down quite of its own accord recently.... I guess I'll consult my agent and see if it's too long to be kosher with the snapshots they took to promote me back in November. We'll see I suppose. :)

Live long, laugh always.
Keep Smiling

Cas

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things!

So, a new year, namely 2012, is upon us! So much has seemed to happen in the past two months alone that I look forward to the opportunities this year will procure. As the title suggests, I'm going to name a few of my favorite things or things that just in general make me feel good about myself and my situation. These are listed in no particular order.
-soft blankets
-kittens (and puppies too)
-babies
-cozy pajamas
-Home
-family
-friends
-the Gospel
-the Atonement
-Christmas
-my birthday
-Junior Mints
-sweaters
-scarves
-other cold weather paraphernalia
-hot chocolate
-chocolate cake
-the rain
-the sun
-butterflies
-snapdragons
-daisies
-hearts
-stars
-the fact that some of you followed the two above listings with "and horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons!"
-music
-the male voice (in song, speech, and yes, laughter)
-laughing
-sleep
-blueberries and cream oatmeal
-hugs
-and yes, kisses
-art
-service
-hiking
-my pink bike
-movies
-theater
-cookies
-pretty dresses
-shoes
-thought-out gifts
-thoughts in general
-conversation
-holding hands
-the prophet and the apostles
-prayer
-My Dear Watson scents-y
-school
-learning
-understanding
-listening
-Nutella
-honey
-chunky peanut butter
-chocolate
-when I feel needed
-when I feel wanted
-when I feel included
-when people set out to make me feel comfortable
-spontaneity
-planning
-sunsets on the beach
-photography
-photo-editing
-reading
-writing
-my sight
-my voice
-my hearing
-my ability to feel
-color
-diversity
-similarities
-pillows
-snuggling
-weddings
-temples
-roommates :)

Well, I feel sufficiently warm. How about you? What are some of your favorite things? <3

Long Overdue....

So yes, I realize I probably should have posted after my first week of being out here in Provo alas, here I am two and a half weeks later and writing to you!
Needless to say it is freezing over here and I feel almost slightly ridiculous bundled to the nine while everyone else (who have already acclimated, by the way) walk around in flip flops at the smallest hint of sunshine. Crazy people. Anyway, I have already put the boots my parents lovingly bought for me from Cabela's (hey, they actually have some pretty cute footwear there) and find that my feet are the warmest part of me whenever I wear them. I suppose it's a start. :)
Before you ask, I have been on a few unofficially official dates and have already made some great friends that I hope will continue to get better acquainted with at the turn of the semester. No, I am not married yet. Don't hold your breaths because it's not happening. :)
I've been looking for jobs quite diligently and have planned a tentative class schedule. I've decided though that the job will come first and will hopefully be able to put the classes I need/want (surprisingly, they are often the same thing this semester) around whatever work schedule I can get my hands on before the start of the semester.
In all honesty, I forgot just how dry my skin gets here in the desert and thus my lotion is being put to good use. I even invested in a legitimate chap-stick that will actually keep my lips from chapping. Hurray for Blistex!
Moving on... I have finally gotten the chance to check in with Jared and Keith (aka, my two brothers out here) and thus know where to find them if I need someone to beat up some punk. Just kidding. But just in case, you know? :D
So as far as living conditions go, the living room and kitchen can be kept to a very comfortable temperature! That is, as long as we don't mind freezing in our bedrooms. Tonight I'll probably even bust out my two last blankets in hopes that I will be warm enough come morning that I'll actually be able to get up on time. I feel like a bear, currently, in the way a bear's body tells it to hibernate when it's cold. Not exactly the best way to go about getting one's body on a proper sleeping schedule.
Thanksgiving was nice. Ashley (Mangum) Fletcher's family invited me to join them this year. Needless to say, I wasn't alone for the holiday which is always reassuring. It also made it easier to be thankful that I am, indeed, back out here in Utah and hopefully I will be able to keep an optimistic outlook on all that I need to accomplish out here to be successful this time around. That said, I do miss the family but in the end it will be good for all of us. :) Plus, I don't want to be in the middle of Tom and Mik's race for their licenses and the product of having to share driving privileges with them. I figure Mom only needs two chauffeurs. ;D When did those two get so old, anyway? And Alex gearing up to start going to dances...? Sheesh.
Finally, for the sake of killing two birds with one stone, I will follow all this up with my Christmas Wish-list. :) Until next week!

Cas

Christmas Ideas
~black or white beanie
~socks :D
~mattress pad... you can kinda feel the springs in the twin I have currently v.v
~sturdy bag/backpack (black preferred)
~warm pajamas :D
~North and South BBC on DVD
~headphones
~gift cards are great too
~black skirt
~belt- not a decorative one
~hoodie (preferred in neutral color- black or grey... white even)
~cute hair accessories since my hair is still short :D
~Nutella :))
~pens
~the sending of a few of my hot cocoa mugs would be very much appreciated <3
~It's a Wonderful Life on DVD
~Piano books are always appreciated as far as movies and ballads go...

I can't think of much else. Hopefully this will be enough to go off of. ;) I'm sure it's enough so if you want to you can easily surprise me. Go with your gut! :D <3 Love you all.

COLLEGE or BUST! >:D

So, guess what?! That's right, I'm finally returning to Provo to continue my schooling at that most exciting college, BYU.
So this is how it happened:
One Wednesday, a month and an half or so ago, I made up my mind that I would plot out an hypothetical budget for the money I foresaw myself having in my bank account by the end of the month (of October) and convince my parents how very serious I was about returning to Utah to attend school in the Winter Semester I had been graciously re-accepted into. I figured the amount I would set aside for the gas money to get there (and get whomever drove me, whether it be my parents or otherwise, home) and reminded them that, although I had budgeted out my money to spending every last cent of it, it was an illustration of what would happen if I were jobless over the ensuing months (which, obviously, is not an option).
Apparently, they had been giving my return to school a great deal of thought that past week as well (which probably shouldn't surprise me at all, because they are my parents) and had come up with the decision that if I were to give school my whole focus along with looking for a steady job, that they would cover my rent for the first handful of months. I couldn't have asked for a better offer and after they let me in on the fact that I wouldn't be forced to pay for the gas money but rather a meal or two while we are on the road... well, let's just say I'm feeling a lot more financially secure for this go around.
Well, a month+ has passed since then and I have already secured myself a place to stay and done all the appropriate things as far as deposits and contracts go and simply have to pay the requested amount this Tuesday which is incidentally an exact week before Mom, Dad and I will find ourselves on the long drive between Brookings and Provo. I had my last day of work on Friday and now simply need to pack up my things and make sure I have all I need to be set and ready to hunt up a job.
So, as it stands, I'm extremely excited and ready to return to Provo even though the timing means I will not be able to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. So needless to say, it will be an interesting experience, these next few months, but I've prepared myself to the point of being almost TOO prepared, I daresay, even though you can never be too prepared for college.
Aside from my excitement for the adventures ahead, I thought it also a point of interest to say that I'm hooked on the Vampire Diaries. It's true.
Oh!! And of course, I got my hairs cut recently and have a feeling I will probably make one more appointment before I leave... either that, or start asking for references for good hairdressers in Utah. With such short hair, it takes quite a bit more upkeep than I'm used to, so for the sake of my college funds, etc, I'll probably start growing it out again... which sucks but then again, it's my hair and I do what I want. ;D

Take care until next time! And I feel I will probably be writing a lot more of these upon my return to Ootah for the sake of the people back home. :) Ciao!

Cas

Of Hoods and Family

As I may or may not have mentioned before, I'll be acting in a play starting this week and I am so very excited. My last few weeks have been crammed full of memorization and mental preparation to take on the task of playing the Lady Marian. Leaving the house around 6 each night (most of the time right before my dad gets home from work) and not getting back home until no later than 9 it has been quite the grueling time and yes, taxing on the nerves and my sleep system.
And me, being the rather self-absorbed person that I am, felt that only I was being tried by the brevity of the time I've been able to spend with my family at the dinner table (our tradition being to eat dinner as a family with no other distractions that the food set between us :]) and so didn't give much thought beyond "I wonder if they'll save enough for me!"
The other evening right before I left for yet another play practice, my youngest sister gave me a rather disappointed look and remarked on how I never have dinner with the family anymore. D:
I told her that it did seem that way but that in a few short weeks I would be done with this production and will be done with the theater of Brookings for at least a few months (depending on when and if I go back to school this winter). However, this simple statement from her made me stop and realize how off it must make the whole family as well when dinner is ready and all are gathered but I'm not there. Sure, this might not be as a big a deal when I'm at college because it will be natural (or as natural as not having the siblings you've grown up with living at home with you can be) but when one seems to be more like a tenant than an actual member of the family, it gives one reason to pause.
It really does make me thankful for how they DO leave "enough" food for me, and even prepare a plate (last night, they even set the salad in a different dish so I could reheat the meat and potatoes) and the fact that my parents don't really complain anymore when I take my leave towards Harbor (instead wishing me a good time and luck when needed). The fact that my siblings care (and aren't afraid to show it) is something that I often take for granted. But then, all I have to do is sit quietly and listen to those around me and I realize I have it pretty good. Pretty darn good even.
Although I am ready to be on my own, I will always remember and hold dear to my heart the times my family has supported me in endeavors that I find diverting and that, even, help my to grow as a person and (maybe even) as an actress! Crazy stuff, really. So, remember kids, count your blessings! :)
<3 Cas

So basically, these are poems that I posted on facebook. Some of them have a little extra explanation to them that was put there the day I posted them and I decided that I would leave the extra stuff there. Uhm... and yes, this does mean from time to time I'll post poems I've put together myself-- you might be seeing a lot of poetry so I can catch up on putting it up... you might not. ;P
P.S. the ones with the * by the title are my personal favorites.

Growing Up is Hard

Do you care what's on my mind?
Or is it too hard to glance behind?
Would it be a waste of your time?
Or shall I stay silent like a mime?

I'm still growing up so can't you understand?
I hate that I'm always at your command
It's not right, it's not fair
For it seems without you I can't go anywhere

Doesn't my vote count?
Or is it not even tantamount
To your opinions and decisions
That all add up to indecisions?

I'm choking
I'm drowing
You're smoking
You're scowling

How can I decide who I want to be?
Need to be?
Live to be?
If you're not willing to set me free?

I love you, with all my heart
But you seem determined to rip me apart
I don't even know where to start
Or even if my choice will be the one that's smart

I am tired now
I am coughing now
I am blinded now
I am muted now

Is this what you meant for me to be?
Something as impossible as a dammed sea?
If not, then set me free
So I can be who I was born to be

10/22/2010

You know what's pathetic?
When you totally loathe the existence of a person and what you allowed them to do to you and what you still allow them to do to you and then get upset and mad at them because they're still there but no longer a part of your life? That's what this poem is dedicated to: those people that come into your life, mess it up, but leave you a better and stronger person for it in the long run.

Life Has Begun

Haunting my dreams with your face
Flashes of memory that can't have a place
I wonder why I'm left to chase
Feelings that I can't erase

Promises made, promises kept
Promises broken, heart bereft
You stole from me what once I thought
Was too sweet to waste or to be bought

But now I stand
Walking through sand
Trying my hand
At a one-man band

My heart is shattered
The rain is splattered
My soul is tattered
How could you have mattered?

A new day has come
And I'm still alone
But I'll cry no more
Though my heart be sore

You stole the best of me
And gave me something better
Strength to see
That I do matter!

The bittersweet irony that plays through my life
Is that I had to be broken and drug through strife
Before I could breathe
And see with clear sight

Now, I hope for the best
For both of us
Maybe someday you'll know
The power behind a woman's trust

Yep. So I was sitting in my bedroom not being able to write my stories and decided I would try a poem... it might be used in my story later... we'll see. xD

* Left to Dream
*
Sitting on my bed, thoughts running through my head
Listening to my fav'rite tunes on chilly afternoons
The colors are dim, shadows smooth and slim
Where are you now, I contemplate, and how
Often you've seemed to walk into what I've dreamed
Sound becomes jumbled while vision has crumbled
What fate prompts us to decide too late?
You could've been, would've been,
You should've been
But now what could've been, would've been, should've been
Is no longer possible
And we are left to dream

Oct. 7th 2010

Dear One

My heart aches, my dear one
My arms ache, oh near one
Please come, my tear'd one
I'll listen, my sheered one

Hope is there, my dear one
Love is close, my near one
Hearts are tried, my tear'd one
Arms stretched out, my sheered one

Words seem hollow, my dear one
Tough to swallow, my near one
Listen close, my tear'd one
I'll be here, my sheered one

There are others, my dear one
Stronger than I, my near one
You can feel it, my tear'd one
With your spirit, my sheered one

As in all my poetry, it's rough but I feel to go through it too much would suck the energy of the moment out of it, destroying the passion put into the words, keeping them from being over-thought or trying to invoke emotions of others for the sake of making them feel what you have felt. I'd rather let my poems speak to whomever has a willing ear or an experience such as the ones I put into prose.

Here are the two things said this evening that inspired my mood (along with other things) and following them is the poem:
I just find it funny how you don't have to say a name or even think about it really. Just the essence of it can make you smile and warm you to the very core.
She wants it to pour so that she can run outside without socks or shoes, without a rain coat, but mayhap an umbrella and dance away the evening.

* Alone No More
*
Rain is falling all around
It's refreshing the earth with its beautiful sound
Its essence is cool
But within me is warmed

With bare feet and a tee
I rush out with an umbrella with me
Down by my side
It is simply a companion

The rain touches my fevered skin
And slowly a dance commences, begins
A pirouette to the right
A reach to the left

It's silent but for the rain
It seems to wash away the stain
Love of past
Hope of future

No name comes to mind
Just a trace of essence left behind
Umbrella swings upward
My free hand down

Warmth surrounds my hand
The one encircled with the umbrella's band
A smile of care
A haloed face

The umbrella is removed
The heart races, the loss approved
Filled with light
A partner have I

One Two Three
And suddenly the rain cries... happy
He apologizes
I accept

Never more alone
As we dance upon the cool wet stone
Hearts sing
Mouths smile

Feb. 8th 2010

So basically, friends are amazing.
I'm so thankful I got the opportunity to say good bye to those of you who really care about me and my general welfare. I'm glad to have known a good deal of you, and although some experiences weren't as pleasant as others, I believe that everyone has helped me to grow and change for the better.

Friends

From now to the end
We'll always be friends
Keep me in your heart
For I will remember forever
The times we shared together
And hope that you do too
My love for you
Will always stay true
Forgive me for being corny

* The Plunge
*
A fork in my road
Rises under the sky
As I stand in thought
And people walk by

What does the way
Hold for me?

Behind me I leave
My family and friends
Ahead I see nothing but
Secret and bends

Are there people who
Will love me?

I stand petrified
In fear of the unknown
Anxious and nervous
Now oftener shown

I take a deep breath
For the plunge...

What Happens in Vegas...

Gets posted on my blog. :)
The family and I drove down to Sacramento on Monday and to be honest, it didn't seem to take as long as it usually does. I guess that's what happens when you have a wonderful book as your travel companion. :D We met up with Jerry, Sarah and the in-laws for dinner and because of our big party (11 people) we were seated outside in the heat of Chico. Personally, at 90 degrees, I feel pretty good in the shade. Ironic how I thought I would die of heat exhaustion after being here in Brookings for the past 9 1/2 months but compared to some of the family, I was cool as a cucumber. :D
When we got to the hotel... we didn't stay up for too long. :)

The next morning, we were shuttled out to the airport for an 11:45 flight.

The three kids were all a-buzz with anticipation. It was their first flight! Everything went nice and smooth as we went through the xrays and all that great stuff and then we had to wait another hour or so for the flight.

Soon enough, we were sitting on the plane and I sat between Tom and Mik. As we sat waiting Mikkaila glanced over at me, out the window, back at me and then looked toward the front of the plane. She confessed to me that Jerry had told her something about planes...
She looked worried so I asked what he had said. Apparently, he told her that if the plane shook we would die. I had to laugh and told her we would be fine. About ten minutes out of Vegas, we hit a bit of turbulence. As she was trying for nonchalance I grinned (rather like the Cheshire Cat, I'm sure) and said, "You know, Mik, the plane is shaking." She shot me a rather dirty look and told me to be quiet... a few moments later I made the joke from Madagascar 2 when the penguins talk about setting the flaming plane down gently... she pretty much shouted "I said KISS IT!"
Alex told us later that she had heard us from her seat 5 rows ahead of us. :)

It took us a while to get ourselves together but we easily secured a ride on a shuttle to our hotel (the Flamingo) and just about an hour later... I was not liking Vegas.
1. Too much smoke.
2. Porn being handed out on the streets.
3. Overly crowded.
4. Too much smoke.
Basically...
After we'd been there for 5 hours I couldn't see how this could be called a vacation (which some of you found out by text) and could only cling to the reassurance that we would be going to Lion King the next day.

It was AMAZING! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the stage before or after... or else I totally would have! The actors were fantastic, the music was extremely beautiful and empowering and full of the African rhythm. Love love loved it!

The next night, we had the opportunity to go to watch The Phantom. :O Do I think you should go see it at the Venetian? Yes I do. And furthermore, I would definitely encourage you to take your time around the Venetian and the Palazza.

It's such beautiful interior and very Italy. <3 It makes you want to go to Venice to simply ride on a gondola. :) Yep. (Random side note: I have definitely decided that my choices for my honeymoon are as follows-- 1. Italy 2. Disneyland -- not necessarily in that order. :D) The next day we didn't have much to do but got to go and watch the comic magic act of Mac King. Pretty funny. No lie. :) A definite go see if you have the opportunity! Saturday we hopped a flight at 10:15 and immediately hopped in our car and drove home. Alex felt a little queasy on the way home and Dad said it would probably be nice if Mik or I gave our seat closer to the front to her. Seeing as Mik had spent a little time in the back on the way down, I squashed my not so impressive height into the back seat where I proceeded to read the second book in my series. :) (Yes, I did start and finish the 1st book at the beginning of this week. I loved it all over again!) Tom was drifting off in a rather uncomfortable looking position so, I gave him my knees as a pillow... apparently it was comfy enough.

But here are the conclusions I have drawn: a. I love French desserts! They are quite the fantastic fare and yes, I had more than I probably ought.

b. Unless there is a show that I feel I must see and can only see it in Vegas, I shall never return there again. It was disgusting and sad.
It made me realize again how wonderful I have it. I have the knowledge of the Gospel and know of my divine nature. I have self-respect and know that I needn't sell my body for any reason. I know, at least, what isn't true happiness and at least have a goal to shoot toward that I know, in the end, can bring me everlasting happiness.
<3
Cas

Sometimes Ups Out-Number the Downs...

...but not in Nottingham.
So, thank goodness I don't live there. :)
My most recent "up" would have to be my landing a big part in my community's production of The Somewhat True Tale of Robin Hood. It's a very Monty Python-esque take on the classic tale of Robin of Locksley and I managed to secure the roll of Lady Marian. Aside from my stint as Mary, this is the biggest part I've ever had in such a production as this. I've already started memorizing the lines and, so far, I really like the cast that we've been able to assemble! It's a little odd seeing as Robin is 4 years my junior and the Sheriff (the other man after Marian's hand) is... well, I'm sure he has got to have ten years on me at least and at this time in my life... that's a bit much. Haha! Alas, so adds to the need for me to play my part and play it well!
It's pretty funny because Lady Marian has a rather... bipolar take on life. As is appropriate, she loathes and despises the Sheriff and the Evil Prince John and, as is also appropriate, loves Robin. But in this particular play, my directore has asked me to really play up the two extremes. So far it has gotten pretty interesting on stage, to say the least. I pretty much fly like a bat out of hell at the Sheriff and then instantly turn to Robin with that sort of light and airy voice expected of a princess. It'll definitely be worth the watch, I promise! I will post the dates on facebook in a week or so but it doesn't show until September so keep your eyes and ears (and perhaps even schedule? ;D) open for the information.

Today was also one of those days, though, that remind me just how much I want to get out to school. To be a part of the lives of people in my same situation just seems ideal at this point in my life. I really want to find my place in the world and to do that I must obtain the ever-elusive education!

But not is all dull and dreary in my world here in Brookings. I have finally managed to obtain a small circle of friends. Thanks mainly in part to my time with the theater company but it's a wonderfully marvelous feeling when you find those genuine people that you click with and who actually make an effort to keep tabs on you and make time for you after whatever event has pulled you together initially.
It reminds me of how agreeable I can be when placed in the right situation. Now, if only I could be agreeable at all times and not just in those situations, I'd have it made according to Mom. :) I totally get the concept... it's just putting it into practice I get kind of hung up.
Well, messirs and missus, I'm off to play a newly acquired song referred to me by my last piano teacher. Take care this week. <3
Cassidy

Happy Birthdays and All That Jazz!

So... first on the agenda: Happy Birthday to Benjamin! It's actually tomorrow buuuut seeing as I have work and a play audition tomorrow evening so... I wanted to make sure I did not miss it. Because I'm just the awesome. Just kidding, but really. Is true. ;)
Today was my one and only day off (aside from Sunday of course) for the week. I was hoping that it would be sunny and warm so that I could throw the windows in my room wide open and let it all soak in while I wrote on my laptop...! Alas. True to Brookings, it was overcast for the majority of the day and you could just taste the possibility of rain. Did it rain? No, of course it didn't. It was just cold...
Nevertheless! I did get quite a bit of writing done on two my stories! I'm so proud. :) Granted I meant to do some research as to my college stuff (I'll probably send out a couple emails about it to people I know who live in Provo) but I procrastinated again and so it didn't happen. You know what though? I am going to get SO much done tomorrow! After work, straight after it (you can even question me just to make sure) I will be calling the Stake President (or rather his secretary) and schedule an appointment to meet with him this weekend to wrap up my re-application to the Y and other such things that are important at this time in my life. :) It's going to be an interesting experience because I usually am pretty close with my Stake Presidents but I've only met this guy once and seen him maybe three times... in the same weekend. So... wish me luck! :D
Well... as eventful as this post is, I'm going to sign off and try and burn Michael Buble to my laptop... again. Darn disc player is ornery and picks and chooses which cds or dvds it wants to read and when... someone help me. ;P
Well, goodnight! And Happy Birthday to anyone else out there who might be reading this. Even you extraterrestrials. <3
Cassidy

The Sky is Such an Interesting Shade of Blue

Actually it was rather gray and overcast today in the little town of Brookings but that is very much besides the point.
The last few days were the first nights in about 4 years since I've been in a musical/theater production of any sort and I must say I enjoy it! ... most of the time. Opening night (Thursday) was pretty good. The leads new their lines almost perfectly needing maybe a slight nudge in the right direction but the audience was rather small. Not that it's a huge theater anyhow but still... Friday night went pretty well also but t'was still a smaller than average sized audience for us to perform to. It was better than the first night however.
Saturday, now, was quite the awesome spectacle. After I assured myself that the three people I knew were coming had made it into the standing-room-only showing of our musical, I was able to put every ounce of energy into the acting and the singing and, yes, the dancing. We all did our very best, I dare say, and it didn't hurt that the audience was amazing! Giving reaction when needed, clapping when appropriate, laughing when we hoped they would (and even sometimes unexpectedly) really gave a lot of energy to our already energetic show.
Today, however, we did a matinee. Unfortunate as it is, I was at least able to make it to Sacrament Meeting and Sunday School and I made sure to ask my president (in the Young Women) to make sure I accomplished anything she needed of me (which consisted of writing out two birthday cards for our girls) and so I feel that, even with the natural irreverence presented by acting the part of a pirate, I was actually able to keep pretty well tuned to the fact that it was still Sunday.
I'm most definitely looking forward to my break for the next few days from any pirate-y themed stuff. Tomorrow is my only "real" day off however seeing as Tuesday I will be opening at the restaurant and then auditioning of Lady Marian in the Somewhat True Adventures of Robin Hood (the next production after My Fair Lady that the theater is putting on). I'm really excited and really hope that I can get the part! It is, after all, a lead and I haven't really played a lead to date (aside from the production of Journey to Bethlehem that my church stake in Anderson put on about 4 years ago...).
Anyway! I realize a lot of this is rambling but I thought some people might like to be updated a little on what was happening this weekend.
Oh yes! Make a Difference Day in Brookings also happened on Saturday. Unfortunately, I had to work in the middle of the day but made it to the church in the morning and helped assemble and pack up a few humanitarian packages. I glad I was able to do something. There is just something about service that lifts one's spirits, you know? I think it has something to do with the fact that you stop thinking about yourself for a space of time and put your effort into making things better for someone else, even someone you may never meet in this life.
I suppose that's also why I like the idea of being a waitress. Although where I work currently only gives me a bare sampling of it, I like the way it feels when someone else feels you're treating them special. But, even though I'm getting paid for it, when I can, I like to go beyond what the customer expects of me. It just brightens up my day when they smile genuinely and know that I'm making a concentrated effort to make them as comfortable and happy as possible, you know?
I think I could even be quite happy working in Disneyland, whether it be as a waitress or something else. We'll see what's in the works for me these next few months though, eh?
Well, I should probably get to bed so I can get some stuff done tomorrow. I think I'd going to look into housing again for college along with jobs around Provo... wish me luck!!!
Love,
Me

How Could Life Get Any Better?

I have a family that loves me. I can see. I can listen to beautiful music and appreciate it. I can speak my mind when I want to. I've been able to be educated and am on a good track to returning to learn more. I know where I want to get to in life. I know what I want to get out of life.
How could life get any better?
I have some of the best friends ever who, even talking to them lately seems to be hit and miss, I know that they are there supporting me. They love me and are setting the most wonderful examples for me. One has chosen marriage and the other a mission then marriage. And I love them for their choices and know they've made them after much prayer and searching of their hearts.
How could life get any better?
I'm secure in my beliefs. I may not understand them all completely but I know that they're true. I know if I do all that I possibly can to become the daughter my parents (heavenly and those on earth) expect me to become, it will all work out in the end. I will run across that faithful son who can take me to the temple to create an eternal family. We will be built around love and our Savior.
How could life get any better?
Well... who's to say it can't? But at this moment, in my life, on my road back to my Father, it can't get any better until I've learned to appreciate every aspect of what I have right now. I don't understand why it has taken me longer to "grow up" in some ways but as long as I understand that it is right for me, that's all that matters... doesn't it?
How could life get any better?
I can walk. I can dance. I can feel. I can cry. I can laugh. I can give hugs. I can receive hugs. I can accept love. I can return love. I can see the good in those around me. I let them see the good in me. I don't wear masks as long as I can help it. I can take praise and I am working on taking criticism. I can write. I can express myself in ways others can and others can't. I find joy in the smallest things.
Oh, how I love to smile and laugh. Listen and comfort.
I'm thankful for who I am and the trials that have made me thus. I am thankful for the angels the Lord hand picks to send to me that buoy me up and remind me when I falter that He loves me always and that He understands my pains and recognizes when I'm giving it my all. I'm thankful for the Priesthood power that I can see in my father and other members of my family. The blessings that they bring into my life and the lives of those around me that I love simply by being faithful to what they know to be true.
How could life get any better?

Cassidy

How Blessed Am I

So, my parents finally returned home from Seattle where they were attending a Manager's Meeting for Les Schwab (my dad being a manager and all). They got me an awesome shirt and shellified bracelet and also bought three movies for the family: Despicable Me, True Grit, and Charlie St. Cloud. Well, seeing as the whole family had already watched the first two and I've been dying to see the third, we watched Charlie St. Cloud as a family.
What an amazing movie! Wonderful acting, moving themes, beautiful filmography and lovely music. Did I cry? Yes. Yes I did.
It was truly poignant when Charlie's "mate" asked if he wanted to go back or move on. The metaphor was really powerful. Does he "go back" and hold on to Sam, staying in one spot for the rest of his life? Never to live the second chance God granted him? Or does he finally let go of the past and live for the future with all of himself, not just what he can get away with standing still?
It's important to remember those we lose to death or even just time but we can't live there in our pasts. We can't cling to what is over. To be cliche', don't cry because it's over but smile because it happened.
Along with my schpeel about dancing in the rain, this is another common theme in my life. There are so many sweet memories and moments that I have with my friends and loved ones. I've lost track of some of those friends, only passing them once a year (if that). Some of the reason is simply that we started to have different interests. Some of the reason, I feel, is because I have clung to the old and shirked the new.
Change has never been really easy for me. I don't make friends all that easily and thus, when I find one that I feel is true, I don't like the boat to be rocked too rowdily. But... if I am ever to be the person I was meant to be, I need to reassess where I am. Who I want to keep tabs on and if they, in turn, want to keep tabs with me.
If I force myself into a person's life, it'll only end in tears- more often than not on my side of the line. Not to say I won't try to ease myself in because another lesson from the aforementioned movie is this: take chances. The chicken wasn't going to get to the other side if he didn't chance getting hit by a car, now was he? Of course we shouldn't be stupid about the chances we take but we can't over-analyze them either or else we'll be scared or intimidated into saying, "Maybe next time."
Timing is crucial! There might not be a "next time". Don't take the chance that there will be a next time.
Back to the topic of letting go and moving on.
I think the reason it makes me cry when Charlie finally lets go of Sam is because of the worry placed upon Sam. Charlie gets to continue on in his life but Sam admitted to being scared of "becoming nothing". It amazes me and breaks my heart to know how many people in this world fear dying simply because they are uncertain of what happens next.
I'm so thankful to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to know what comes after this. As long as I do my part, I know that it will all work out in the end. I have the opportunity to be with my family, be the sister to my brothers and sisters and the daughter to my parents, for the rest of eternity. (We fight now and again but I still love them dearly and can't stand or accept any thoughts of not being able to have them as my own after this life.)
I know that when I die that I'm not walking into non-existence. I know that I will continue living and it will get better. It will always get better.
I am thankful that I know that if I die, my family will miss me but be able to continue living their lives and vice versa. I'm not saying it wouldn't take a while to get accustomed to it and I'm not saying I won't be hurting for the loss of their presence in my immediate life but... it'll only be for a small moment and it will only add to my experience and personal growth.
I love my family. I am easily irritated. But I love them just the same. I do not fear death. But neither do I fear life. Whatever time the Lord grants me here on this planet we call Earth, I will take it and run with it. I'm working on being all that I can be. I personally haven't lived my life without regrets but it is up to me to decide whether I let those regrets weigh me down or simply encourage me to keep moving forward.

Cassidy

ASAP: Act Swiftly Awesome Pacaderm

The week is already halfway through! Which also means that Mom and Dad will be home in just three days, I will be on my three-day-weekend in two days and payday is just around the corner! Each payday puts me one payday closer to being back at college and away from this tiny town.
Something that has been bothering me a little lately is the fact that people are trying to persuade me to choose the military to get back to school. Okay. If you really know me, I'm sure the first occupation that comes to your mind is NOT military and if it is... then you don't know me.
It makes me nervous enough when people I know and love are in the military being put in harms way I don't need to become a nervous-wreck for the rest of my life or even for a handful of years when I can simply work and live the life of an average citizen and get to school that way.
I know that this route is mine and that I will get where I am going.
That's about it for tonight... I'm in one of those weird moods. Hope your Thursdays are wonderful!
Cassidy

Two Posts In One Day But...

I finally figured out what I wanted and needed to say thanks to a wonderful Elder friend of mine that I was impressed upon to write this evening.

...I want to see about getting a current Temple Recommend. I've never had one! I've had one of those temporary pieces of paper but... I want a card to tuck into my wallet. I want to return to the temple. It has been over a year since I've done any work for the dead or been able to step foot inside the temple. I think this is, finally, the last step I need to take to heal completely from the wrongs of the past and the hurts inflicted upon my heart, the loneliness of my soul.
Being the right person instead of looking for the right person is my goal for the next two months. I am renewing my energy toward scripture reading, personal prayer, journal (and for that instance, blog) writing, and my temple worthiness. I want to get to the temple at least once within the next two months. The Lord and I both know this is what I need. I'm ready to stop waiting for the storm to pass and learn to dance in the rain. Ditch the umbrella and shoes. I'll run into the arms of my Savior that stands in the midst of my pain and trials, my loneliness and heartache, my feeling out of place, my general feeling of unworthiness.
I know He loves me and has been waiting for me to finally return to His warm embrace. I've made Him wait. I've made Him wait over a year to hold me again.
I'll stop my resistance and let Him heal me so I can grow. I know that my Redeemer lives. What comfort this sweet sentence gives. He lives, He lives who once was dead. He lives, my ever-living head.

Cassidy

Of Pirates, Chocolate Chip Pancakes and God

So, last night I was able to get all decked out in my pirate attire from the upcoming musical and go to a preview of the music for the community. It went really well and I was actually able to look pretty in all my pirate-y-ness. It made me really excited for opening night which, by the way, is in about a week and an half!! Crazy! I can't believe it's almost here. I feel pretty ready for it but I'm not sure about the rest of the cast. I guess I'll just have to have a little faith that they'll really study out their parts this weekend.

Afterward, I hit up the movie store and picked out a handful of movies for the siblings and I to watch this next week. We already watched one (Step Up) and look forward (or at least I do) to watching the following: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, the Music Man, the Sound of Music, Sydney White (not sure about this one for the kids... I'll preview it first), and the King and I. Yes, I do realize the majority of these are musicals but, what can I say? I do love a good musical and I know for a fact they're all good! :D
I also hit up Taco Bell after that and was able to get a few of the workers to say they would come. How fun that'll be if I actually see them there!
So, I said earlier the movies are for my siblings and I. Where are the parents you may ask? Well, they took off toward Seattle this afternoon for my dad's manager's meeting for Les Schwab. They'll be gone all week so it's "up to me" to take care of the kids... it's summer, I work Tues-Fri. Piece of cake? Pretty much... especially seeing as Mom wisely stocked the freezer with frozen goods. (She also included chicken breasts, ground turkey and such, so I will attempt to cook for the little rascals!)
The kids made breakfast for dinner today though (Mikkaila being awesome and deciding my job could be, solely, to do the dishes after we all ate). We saw some open chocolate chips in the cupboard so Mikkaila, being the little homemaker and chocolate lover herself, made the last six or so pancakes filled with chocolate chips! They were even better than the plain ones in my opinion but that is just my opinion.
Today was a wonderful day at church. To be perfectly honest (which I seem prone to be with a small audience such as I have- shout out to Emily V for following me :3) I'm really insecure about my standing in my Father's regard. I always feel that I'm missing something at church when my family share their thoughts and say before family prayer how thankful they are for this or that at church. Well, let me tell you, I didn't miss it today! The Young Women had an opportunity to share their recently grown testimonies since they have returned from Girl's Camp. Some were very sweet but didn't strike me as more than just something they pulled out of the hat to share. (Not to say it didn't touch someone else in the congregation, it just didn't strike a chord with me at the point where I am in life.) I can't not recall who it was, but a few of the girls stood up and shared what the theme of the camp was: I Am More.
Those three words are so empowering all by themselves. I am More. But when you couple that with a faith and knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father it translates into so many more things.
I Am More.
1. I am a daughter of a King.
2. I am more than just a person in the crowd.
3. I am more than just another child in my family.
4. I am an individual.
5. I have talents to share.
6. I have a heart full of love for those around me to tap.
7. I have a firm testimony of the Gospel of Christ.
8. I have a firm testimony that Joseph Smith Jr was the first prophet of this new dispensation.
9. I know my parents love me and support me.
10. I know my patience is tried so that I can become a better person.
11. I know it's my choice whether I give it my all or just give up.
12. I know He knows me.
13. I know He hears me.
14. I know He cares for me.
15. I know He won't leave me alone.
16. I know He sends angels.
17. I know She loves me too.
18. I am beautiful.
19. I am original.
20. I am more than what you see.

People have given up so much to see this Gospel through the last 100 or so years and now it is my turn. My turn to give up the cares of what the world sees me as. It's my choice where I place my energy. It's my responsibility to make sure I am where I need to be.
I've weathered the storm long enough. Now it's time to fight through it and reach the end of this leg of my mortal journey.
I may not know you. You know me a little better now. I love you. I pray that you feel that and understand that there will always be someone who loves you. I love you. He loves you.
It's your time to choose: how is your week going to go? Will you actively work toward sailing your ship through the troubling waves of adversity or will you be tossed and eventually crashed into the shore?

Cassidy

"And though I'm not yet as I would be, He has shown me how I could be. I will make my hands like those from Galilee."