So, my parents finally returned home from Seattle where they were attending a Manager's Meeting for Les Schwab (my dad being a manager and all). They got me an awesome shirt and shellified bracelet and also bought three movies for the family: Despicable Me, True Grit, and Charlie St. Cloud. Well, seeing as the whole family had already watched the first two and I've been dying to see the third, we watched Charlie St. Cloud as a family.
What an amazing movie! Wonderful acting, moving themes, beautiful filmography and lovely music. Did I cry? Yes. Yes I did.
It was truly poignant when Charlie's "mate" asked if he wanted to go back or move on. The metaphor was really powerful. Does he "go back" and hold on to Sam, staying in one spot for the rest of his life? Never to live the second chance God granted him? Or does he finally let go of the past and live for the future with all of himself, not just what he can get away with standing still?
It's important to remember those we lose to death or even just time but we can't live there in our pasts. We can't cling to what is over. To be cliche', don't cry because it's over but smile because it happened.
Along with my schpeel about dancing in the rain, this is another common theme in my life. There are so many sweet memories and moments that I have with my friends and loved ones. I've lost track of some of those friends, only passing them once a year (if that). Some of the reason is simply that we started to have different interests. Some of the reason, I feel, is because I have clung to the old and shirked the new.
Change has never been really easy for me. I don't make friends all that easily and thus, when I find one that I feel is true, I don't like the boat to be rocked too rowdily. But... if I am ever to be the person I was meant to be, I need to reassess where I am. Who I want to keep tabs on and if they, in turn, want to keep tabs with me.
If I force myself into a person's life, it'll only end in tears- more often than not on my side of the line. Not to say I won't try to ease myself in because another lesson from the aforementioned movie is this: take chances. The chicken wasn't going to get to the other side if he didn't chance getting hit by a car, now was he? Of course we shouldn't be stupid about the chances we take but we can't over-analyze them either or else we'll be scared or intimidated into saying, "Maybe next time."
Timing is crucial! There might not be a "next time". Don't take the chance that there will be a next time.
Back to the topic of letting go and moving on.
I think the reason it makes me cry when Charlie finally lets go of Sam is because of the worry placed upon Sam. Charlie gets to continue on in his life but Sam admitted to being scared of "becoming nothing". It amazes me and breaks my heart to know how many people in this world fear dying simply because they are uncertain of what happens next.
I'm so thankful to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to know what comes after this. As long as I do my part, I know that it will all work out in the end. I have the opportunity to be with my family, be the sister to my brothers and sisters and the daughter to my parents, for the rest of eternity. (We fight now and again but I still love them dearly and can't stand or accept any thoughts of not being able to have them as my own after this life.)
I know that when I die that I'm not walking into non-existence. I know that I will continue living and it will get better. It will always get better.
I am thankful that I know that if I die, my family will miss me but be able to continue living their lives and vice versa. I'm not saying it wouldn't take a while to get accustomed to it and I'm not saying I won't be hurting for the loss of their presence in my immediate life but... it'll only be for a small moment and it will only add to my experience and personal growth.
I love my family. I am easily irritated. But I love them just the same. I do not fear death. But neither do I fear life. Whatever time the Lord grants me here on this planet we call Earth, I will take it and run with it. I'm working on being all that I can be. I personally haven't lived my life without regrets but it is up to me to decide whether I let those regrets weigh me down or simply encourage me to keep moving forward.
Cassidy
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