COLLEGE or BUST! >:D

So, guess what?! That's right, I'm finally returning to Provo to continue my schooling at that most exciting college, BYU.
So this is how it happened:
One Wednesday, a month and an half or so ago, I made up my mind that I would plot out an hypothetical budget for the money I foresaw myself having in my bank account by the end of the month (of October) and convince my parents how very serious I was about returning to Utah to attend school in the Winter Semester I had been graciously re-accepted into. I figured the amount I would set aside for the gas money to get there (and get whomever drove me, whether it be my parents or otherwise, home) and reminded them that, although I had budgeted out my money to spending every last cent of it, it was an illustration of what would happen if I were jobless over the ensuing months (which, obviously, is not an option).
Apparently, they had been giving my return to school a great deal of thought that past week as well (which probably shouldn't surprise me at all, because they are my parents) and had come up with the decision that if I were to give school my whole focus along with looking for a steady job, that they would cover my rent for the first handful of months. I couldn't have asked for a better offer and after they let me in on the fact that I wouldn't be forced to pay for the gas money but rather a meal or two while we are on the road... well, let's just say I'm feeling a lot more financially secure for this go around.
Well, a month+ has passed since then and I have already secured myself a place to stay and done all the appropriate things as far as deposits and contracts go and simply have to pay the requested amount this Tuesday which is incidentally an exact week before Mom, Dad and I will find ourselves on the long drive between Brookings and Provo. I had my last day of work on Friday and now simply need to pack up my things and make sure I have all I need to be set and ready to hunt up a job.
So, as it stands, I'm extremely excited and ready to return to Provo even though the timing means I will not be able to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. So needless to say, it will be an interesting experience, these next few months, but I've prepared myself to the point of being almost TOO prepared, I daresay, even though you can never be too prepared for college.
Aside from my excitement for the adventures ahead, I thought it also a point of interest to say that I'm hooked on the Vampire Diaries. It's true.
Oh!! And of course, I got my hairs cut recently and have a feeling I will probably make one more appointment before I leave... either that, or start asking for references for good hairdressers in Utah. With such short hair, it takes quite a bit more upkeep than I'm used to, so for the sake of my college funds, etc, I'll probably start growing it out again... which sucks but then again, it's my hair and I do what I want. ;D

Take care until next time! And I feel I will probably be writing a lot more of these upon my return to Ootah for the sake of the people back home. :) Ciao!

Cas

Of Hoods and Family

As I may or may not have mentioned before, I'll be acting in a play starting this week and I am so very excited. My last few weeks have been crammed full of memorization and mental preparation to take on the task of playing the Lady Marian. Leaving the house around 6 each night (most of the time right before my dad gets home from work) and not getting back home until no later than 9 it has been quite the grueling time and yes, taxing on the nerves and my sleep system.
And me, being the rather self-absorbed person that I am, felt that only I was being tried by the brevity of the time I've been able to spend with my family at the dinner table (our tradition being to eat dinner as a family with no other distractions that the food set between us :]) and so didn't give much thought beyond "I wonder if they'll save enough for me!"
The other evening right before I left for yet another play practice, my youngest sister gave me a rather disappointed look and remarked on how I never have dinner with the family anymore. D:
I told her that it did seem that way but that in a few short weeks I would be done with this production and will be done with the theater of Brookings for at least a few months (depending on when and if I go back to school this winter). However, this simple statement from her made me stop and realize how off it must make the whole family as well when dinner is ready and all are gathered but I'm not there. Sure, this might not be as a big a deal when I'm at college because it will be natural (or as natural as not having the siblings you've grown up with living at home with you can be) but when one seems to be more like a tenant than an actual member of the family, it gives one reason to pause.
It really does make me thankful for how they DO leave "enough" food for me, and even prepare a plate (last night, they even set the salad in a different dish so I could reheat the meat and potatoes) and the fact that my parents don't really complain anymore when I take my leave towards Harbor (instead wishing me a good time and luck when needed). The fact that my siblings care (and aren't afraid to show it) is something that I often take for granted. But then, all I have to do is sit quietly and listen to those around me and I realize I have it pretty good. Pretty darn good even.
Although I am ready to be on my own, I will always remember and hold dear to my heart the times my family has supported me in endeavors that I find diverting and that, even, help my to grow as a person and (maybe even) as an actress! Crazy stuff, really. So, remember kids, count your blessings! :)
<3 Cas

So basically, these are poems that I posted on facebook. Some of them have a little extra explanation to them that was put there the day I posted them and I decided that I would leave the extra stuff there. Uhm... and yes, this does mean from time to time I'll post poems I've put together myself-- you might be seeing a lot of poetry so I can catch up on putting it up... you might not. ;P
P.S. the ones with the * by the title are my personal favorites.

Growing Up is Hard

Do you care what's on my mind?
Or is it too hard to glance behind?
Would it be a waste of your time?
Or shall I stay silent like a mime?

I'm still growing up so can't you understand?
I hate that I'm always at your command
It's not right, it's not fair
For it seems without you I can't go anywhere

Doesn't my vote count?
Or is it not even tantamount
To your opinions and decisions
That all add up to indecisions?

I'm choking
I'm drowing
You're smoking
You're scowling

How can I decide who I want to be?
Need to be?
Live to be?
If you're not willing to set me free?

I love you, with all my heart
But you seem determined to rip me apart
I don't even know where to start
Or even if my choice will be the one that's smart

I am tired now
I am coughing now
I am blinded now
I am muted now

Is this what you meant for me to be?
Something as impossible as a dammed sea?
If not, then set me free
So I can be who I was born to be

10/22/2010

You know what's pathetic?
When you totally loathe the existence of a person and what you allowed them to do to you and what you still allow them to do to you and then get upset and mad at them because they're still there but no longer a part of your life? That's what this poem is dedicated to: those people that come into your life, mess it up, but leave you a better and stronger person for it in the long run.

Life Has Begun

Haunting my dreams with your face
Flashes of memory that can't have a place
I wonder why I'm left to chase
Feelings that I can't erase

Promises made, promises kept
Promises broken, heart bereft
You stole from me what once I thought
Was too sweet to waste or to be bought

But now I stand
Walking through sand
Trying my hand
At a one-man band

My heart is shattered
The rain is splattered
My soul is tattered
How could you have mattered?

A new day has come
And I'm still alone
But I'll cry no more
Though my heart be sore

You stole the best of me
And gave me something better
Strength to see
That I do matter!

The bittersweet irony that plays through my life
Is that I had to be broken and drug through strife
Before I could breathe
And see with clear sight

Now, I hope for the best
For both of us
Maybe someday you'll know
The power behind a woman's trust

Yep. So I was sitting in my bedroom not being able to write my stories and decided I would try a poem... it might be used in my story later... we'll see. xD

* Left to Dream
*
Sitting on my bed, thoughts running through my head
Listening to my fav'rite tunes on chilly afternoons
The colors are dim, shadows smooth and slim
Where are you now, I contemplate, and how
Often you've seemed to walk into what I've dreamed
Sound becomes jumbled while vision has crumbled
What fate prompts us to decide too late?
You could've been, would've been,
You should've been
But now what could've been, would've been, should've been
Is no longer possible
And we are left to dream

Oct. 7th 2010

Dear One

My heart aches, my dear one
My arms ache, oh near one
Please come, my tear'd one
I'll listen, my sheered one

Hope is there, my dear one
Love is close, my near one
Hearts are tried, my tear'd one
Arms stretched out, my sheered one

Words seem hollow, my dear one
Tough to swallow, my near one
Listen close, my tear'd one
I'll be here, my sheered one

There are others, my dear one
Stronger than I, my near one
You can feel it, my tear'd one
With your spirit, my sheered one

As in all my poetry, it's rough but I feel to go through it too much would suck the energy of the moment out of it, destroying the passion put into the words, keeping them from being over-thought or trying to invoke emotions of others for the sake of making them feel what you have felt. I'd rather let my poems speak to whomever has a willing ear or an experience such as the ones I put into prose.

Here are the two things said this evening that inspired my mood (along with other things) and following them is the poem:
I just find it funny how you don't have to say a name or even think about it really. Just the essence of it can make you smile and warm you to the very core.
She wants it to pour so that she can run outside without socks or shoes, without a rain coat, but mayhap an umbrella and dance away the evening.

* Alone No More
*
Rain is falling all around
It's refreshing the earth with its beautiful sound
Its essence is cool
But within me is warmed

With bare feet and a tee
I rush out with an umbrella with me
Down by my side
It is simply a companion

The rain touches my fevered skin
And slowly a dance commences, begins
A pirouette to the right
A reach to the left

It's silent but for the rain
It seems to wash away the stain
Love of past
Hope of future

No name comes to mind
Just a trace of essence left behind
Umbrella swings upward
My free hand down

Warmth surrounds my hand
The one encircled with the umbrella's band
A smile of care
A haloed face

The umbrella is removed
The heart races, the loss approved
Filled with light
A partner have I

One Two Three
And suddenly the rain cries... happy
He apologizes
I accept

Never more alone
As we dance upon the cool wet stone
Hearts sing
Mouths smile

Feb. 8th 2010

So basically, friends are amazing.
I'm so thankful I got the opportunity to say good bye to those of you who really care about me and my general welfare. I'm glad to have known a good deal of you, and although some experiences weren't as pleasant as others, I believe that everyone has helped me to grow and change for the better.

Friends

From now to the end
We'll always be friends
Keep me in your heart
For I will remember forever
The times we shared together
And hope that you do too
My love for you
Will always stay true
Forgive me for being corny

* The Plunge
*
A fork in my road
Rises under the sky
As I stand in thought
And people walk by

What does the way
Hold for me?

Behind me I leave
My family and friends
Ahead I see nothing but
Secret and bends

Are there people who
Will love me?

I stand petrified
In fear of the unknown
Anxious and nervous
Now oftener shown

I take a deep breath
For the plunge...

What Happens in Vegas...

Gets posted on my blog. :)
The family and I drove down to Sacramento on Monday and to be honest, it didn't seem to take as long as it usually does. I guess that's what happens when you have a wonderful book as your travel companion. :D We met up with Jerry, Sarah and the in-laws for dinner and because of our big party (11 people) we were seated outside in the heat of Chico. Personally, at 90 degrees, I feel pretty good in the shade. Ironic how I thought I would die of heat exhaustion after being here in Brookings for the past 9 1/2 months but compared to some of the family, I was cool as a cucumber. :D
When we got to the hotel... we didn't stay up for too long. :)

The next morning, we were shuttled out to the airport for an 11:45 flight.

The three kids were all a-buzz with anticipation. It was their first flight! Everything went nice and smooth as we went through the xrays and all that great stuff and then we had to wait another hour or so for the flight.

Soon enough, we were sitting on the plane and I sat between Tom and Mik. As we sat waiting Mikkaila glanced over at me, out the window, back at me and then looked toward the front of the plane. She confessed to me that Jerry had told her something about planes...
She looked worried so I asked what he had said. Apparently, he told her that if the plane shook we would die. I had to laugh and told her we would be fine. About ten minutes out of Vegas, we hit a bit of turbulence. As she was trying for nonchalance I grinned (rather like the Cheshire Cat, I'm sure) and said, "You know, Mik, the plane is shaking." She shot me a rather dirty look and told me to be quiet... a few moments later I made the joke from Madagascar 2 when the penguins talk about setting the flaming plane down gently... she pretty much shouted "I said KISS IT!"
Alex told us later that she had heard us from her seat 5 rows ahead of us. :)

It took us a while to get ourselves together but we easily secured a ride on a shuttle to our hotel (the Flamingo) and just about an hour later... I was not liking Vegas.
1. Too much smoke.
2. Porn being handed out on the streets.
3. Overly crowded.
4. Too much smoke.
Basically...
After we'd been there for 5 hours I couldn't see how this could be called a vacation (which some of you found out by text) and could only cling to the reassurance that we would be going to Lion King the next day.

It was AMAZING! I thoroughly enjoyed it! Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the stage before or after... or else I totally would have! The actors were fantastic, the music was extremely beautiful and empowering and full of the African rhythm. Love love loved it!

The next night, we had the opportunity to go to watch The Phantom. :O Do I think you should go see it at the Venetian? Yes I do. And furthermore, I would definitely encourage you to take your time around the Venetian and the Palazza.

It's such beautiful interior and very Italy. <3 It makes you want to go to Venice to simply ride on a gondola. :) Yep. (Random side note: I have definitely decided that my choices for my honeymoon are as follows-- 1. Italy 2. Disneyland -- not necessarily in that order. :D) The next day we didn't have much to do but got to go and watch the comic magic act of Mac King. Pretty funny. No lie. :) A definite go see if you have the opportunity! Saturday we hopped a flight at 10:15 and immediately hopped in our car and drove home. Alex felt a little queasy on the way home and Dad said it would probably be nice if Mik or I gave our seat closer to the front to her. Seeing as Mik had spent a little time in the back on the way down, I squashed my not so impressive height into the back seat where I proceeded to read the second book in my series. :) (Yes, I did start and finish the 1st book at the beginning of this week. I loved it all over again!) Tom was drifting off in a rather uncomfortable looking position so, I gave him my knees as a pillow... apparently it was comfy enough.

But here are the conclusions I have drawn: a. I love French desserts! They are quite the fantastic fare and yes, I had more than I probably ought.

b. Unless there is a show that I feel I must see and can only see it in Vegas, I shall never return there again. It was disgusting and sad.
It made me realize again how wonderful I have it. I have the knowledge of the Gospel and know of my divine nature. I have self-respect and know that I needn't sell my body for any reason. I know, at least, what isn't true happiness and at least have a goal to shoot toward that I know, in the end, can bring me everlasting happiness.
<3
Cas

Sometimes Ups Out-Number the Downs...

...but not in Nottingham.
So, thank goodness I don't live there. :)
My most recent "up" would have to be my landing a big part in my community's production of The Somewhat True Tale of Robin Hood. It's a very Monty Python-esque take on the classic tale of Robin of Locksley and I managed to secure the roll of Lady Marian. Aside from my stint as Mary, this is the biggest part I've ever had in such a production as this. I've already started memorizing the lines and, so far, I really like the cast that we've been able to assemble! It's a little odd seeing as Robin is 4 years my junior and the Sheriff (the other man after Marian's hand) is... well, I'm sure he has got to have ten years on me at least and at this time in my life... that's a bit much. Haha! Alas, so adds to the need for me to play my part and play it well!
It's pretty funny because Lady Marian has a rather... bipolar take on life. As is appropriate, she loathes and despises the Sheriff and the Evil Prince John and, as is also appropriate, loves Robin. But in this particular play, my directore has asked me to really play up the two extremes. So far it has gotten pretty interesting on stage, to say the least. I pretty much fly like a bat out of hell at the Sheriff and then instantly turn to Robin with that sort of light and airy voice expected of a princess. It'll definitely be worth the watch, I promise! I will post the dates on facebook in a week or so but it doesn't show until September so keep your eyes and ears (and perhaps even schedule? ;D) open for the information.

Today was also one of those days, though, that remind me just how much I want to get out to school. To be a part of the lives of people in my same situation just seems ideal at this point in my life. I really want to find my place in the world and to do that I must obtain the ever-elusive education!

But not is all dull and dreary in my world here in Brookings. I have finally managed to obtain a small circle of friends. Thanks mainly in part to my time with the theater company but it's a wonderfully marvelous feeling when you find those genuine people that you click with and who actually make an effort to keep tabs on you and make time for you after whatever event has pulled you together initially.
It reminds me of how agreeable I can be when placed in the right situation. Now, if only I could be agreeable at all times and not just in those situations, I'd have it made according to Mom. :) I totally get the concept... it's just putting it into practice I get kind of hung up.
Well, messirs and missus, I'm off to play a newly acquired song referred to me by my last piano teacher. Take care this week. <3
Cassidy

Happy Birthdays and All That Jazz!

So... first on the agenda: Happy Birthday to Benjamin! It's actually tomorrow buuuut seeing as I have work and a play audition tomorrow evening so... I wanted to make sure I did not miss it. Because I'm just the awesome. Just kidding, but really. Is true. ;)
Today was my one and only day off (aside from Sunday of course) for the week. I was hoping that it would be sunny and warm so that I could throw the windows in my room wide open and let it all soak in while I wrote on my laptop...! Alas. True to Brookings, it was overcast for the majority of the day and you could just taste the possibility of rain. Did it rain? No, of course it didn't. It was just cold...
Nevertheless! I did get quite a bit of writing done on two my stories! I'm so proud. :) Granted I meant to do some research as to my college stuff (I'll probably send out a couple emails about it to people I know who live in Provo) but I procrastinated again and so it didn't happen. You know what though? I am going to get SO much done tomorrow! After work, straight after it (you can even question me just to make sure) I will be calling the Stake President (or rather his secretary) and schedule an appointment to meet with him this weekend to wrap up my re-application to the Y and other such things that are important at this time in my life. :) It's going to be an interesting experience because I usually am pretty close with my Stake Presidents but I've only met this guy once and seen him maybe three times... in the same weekend. So... wish me luck! :D
Well... as eventful as this post is, I'm going to sign off and try and burn Michael Buble to my laptop... again. Darn disc player is ornery and picks and chooses which cds or dvds it wants to read and when... someone help me. ;P
Well, goodnight! And Happy Birthday to anyone else out there who might be reading this. Even you extraterrestrials. <3
Cassidy

The Sky is Such an Interesting Shade of Blue

Actually it was rather gray and overcast today in the little town of Brookings but that is very much besides the point.
The last few days were the first nights in about 4 years since I've been in a musical/theater production of any sort and I must say I enjoy it! ... most of the time. Opening night (Thursday) was pretty good. The leads new their lines almost perfectly needing maybe a slight nudge in the right direction but the audience was rather small. Not that it's a huge theater anyhow but still... Friday night went pretty well also but t'was still a smaller than average sized audience for us to perform to. It was better than the first night however.
Saturday, now, was quite the awesome spectacle. After I assured myself that the three people I knew were coming had made it into the standing-room-only showing of our musical, I was able to put every ounce of energy into the acting and the singing and, yes, the dancing. We all did our very best, I dare say, and it didn't hurt that the audience was amazing! Giving reaction when needed, clapping when appropriate, laughing when we hoped they would (and even sometimes unexpectedly) really gave a lot of energy to our already energetic show.
Today, however, we did a matinee. Unfortunate as it is, I was at least able to make it to Sacrament Meeting and Sunday School and I made sure to ask my president (in the Young Women) to make sure I accomplished anything she needed of me (which consisted of writing out two birthday cards for our girls) and so I feel that, even with the natural irreverence presented by acting the part of a pirate, I was actually able to keep pretty well tuned to the fact that it was still Sunday.
I'm most definitely looking forward to my break for the next few days from any pirate-y themed stuff. Tomorrow is my only "real" day off however seeing as Tuesday I will be opening at the restaurant and then auditioning of Lady Marian in the Somewhat True Adventures of Robin Hood (the next production after My Fair Lady that the theater is putting on). I'm really excited and really hope that I can get the part! It is, after all, a lead and I haven't really played a lead to date (aside from the production of Journey to Bethlehem that my church stake in Anderson put on about 4 years ago...).
Anyway! I realize a lot of this is rambling but I thought some people might like to be updated a little on what was happening this weekend.
Oh yes! Make a Difference Day in Brookings also happened on Saturday. Unfortunately, I had to work in the middle of the day but made it to the church in the morning and helped assemble and pack up a few humanitarian packages. I glad I was able to do something. There is just something about service that lifts one's spirits, you know? I think it has something to do with the fact that you stop thinking about yourself for a space of time and put your effort into making things better for someone else, even someone you may never meet in this life.
I suppose that's also why I like the idea of being a waitress. Although where I work currently only gives me a bare sampling of it, I like the way it feels when someone else feels you're treating them special. But, even though I'm getting paid for it, when I can, I like to go beyond what the customer expects of me. It just brightens up my day when they smile genuinely and know that I'm making a concentrated effort to make them as comfortable and happy as possible, you know?
I think I could even be quite happy working in Disneyland, whether it be as a waitress or something else. We'll see what's in the works for me these next few months though, eh?
Well, I should probably get to bed so I can get some stuff done tomorrow. I think I'd going to look into housing again for college along with jobs around Provo... wish me luck!!!
Love,
Me